I have learned something real about how my mind was used to teach me an Idea that was designed by the Cosmos itself, the purpose of which, was to reveal my connection to the Cosmos itself. My mind is in my body. The beginning of a conversation that began to affect my body so that I felt 'trembly' and driven by a powerful urge that originated in a problem in my home, to prove I wasn't crazy veered away from where it began in a real world to another world, a world within.
My first glimpse of it (1982 as best I can date it) generated a thought that it was a miracle. My second glimpse of it generated a thought in my mind, that it was a miracle slowed down, stretched out in Time, so that I could watch it happen. That is what it was. A miracle stretched out in Time and slowed down in Time, so that I could notice details that I had never noticed in my life and watch the advent of a change that changed not only my life, but life on this planet Earth. I was one drop of humanity, selected , highlighted to be an active particle, a recipient of specific information that is embedded in any place where words occur in any time!
The advent of the 'voice' that I began to hear was concealed behind the advertisements of the approaching 1984 Olympic Games played in Los Angeles.
"The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed." I had never heard an advertisement the way I heard this one, it was how a person is heard. I didn't think on the event until it occurred several times.
My third glimpse of it generated the thought: "This is impossible. I don't believe another person but me would ever understand this. How on Earth will I ever explain this? Who on Earth will ever believe me?" This thought, which I do not believe I generated myself was followed by a mass of information in the form of certain specific memories abstracted from my past in a flash, it happened in less than a second of time. But there was also 'new' material, that I experienced somehow without 'thought words' about what was happening at the moment, as well as what was going to happen.
The passing of time and events that had not yet happened made it obvious the future was part of that event, when the future event happened, in 1982.
It was a seamless package, everything came as a single bundle that had to be 'sorted out' and 'categorized' in the next 25 years. All that happened was mental, but it was visible although it was 'given' in a form and in a location that I did not recognize until later. The packet was in a different location in my mind, a great distance from the kind of perception I acquired during the next 7 years as I lived my life. It was activity that was visible but as I had to realize myself, was a great distance remote from consciousness and articulation. The part that was visible remained firmly in memory afterwards because in 1989 another event happened that drew this 1982 event into very great significance. I remembered the event and understood what was 'said' to me, by implication. It was a critically important event. The circumstances of that night were quite specific but at that point the first in a long 'strange flow of events' had barely begun to be noticeable.
It is important to keep in mind that a new kind of experiences began that night, and eventually they created an almost overwhelming confusion until I realized what was happening. What was happening was that a kind of conversation had been created in a way I had to notice, dimly at first, then become aware was creating 'words' (information) in a complex, highly abstract language. The language is one that does not require any knowledge of the past at first, because it is complete in itself I have very good reasons to believe.
My mind and body were not my 'normal' by then, but I believed the causes of my discomforts were due to real world problems: a complete hysterectomy late in 1979; an uninsured fire caused many problems in my marriage. The problems associated with those circumstances then a terrible blow on my head in an automobile accident early in 1981 seemed to have caused brain damage, because so much was changed in my 'head'.
After some time I felt that somehow I was not in control, that something else was driving me: it was a real force, a drive in my body to do things that would restore the losses of my 'normal' habits. I noticed many changes, but not immediately because everything was changed. A band of 'thought' about a dream (The Dream), had begun moving through my mind before that night in 1982. .
It was not self generated thought I believe now but in 1982/3 such words as 'self generated' would have seemed like nonsense to me and have no meaning. I watched and listened to the 'event' that night without knowing at that point, that it was emerging from a separate memory. It came from a place where I could not relate to it other than to hear/see the content when it emerged. It emerged further yet than The Dream; it was a much greater distance from a point where I could speak even one word about it to myself! Or to anyone else.
The significance of this event was such that it was literally critical to the success of what was going to happen in the future, beginning as it did in every day situations in my ordinary life with people, some of whom I would not have suspected were not ordinary, psychiatrically speaking. And I knew nothing about psychiatric ideas in 1982-3 except that I had a name only familiarity with some of Sigmund Freud's ideas.
Without any warning that within the mind, there exist locations that can be 'looked into/ listened from', even spoken from, but not 'heard' or 'seen' by one's own ears and eyes, a new kind of information was created. It was about my future and what was just at that point beginning to emerge was given to me while I stood waiting for a square-dance class to begin, glancing around the room.
For the first time I noticed certain details in people in the room that I could have noticed before but had not. Then a flow of 'inner events' began, followed rapidly with the 'thought words': "This is impossible. I don't believe another person but me would ever understand this. How on Earth Will I ever explain this? Who will ever believe me?" Much happened between the first 'glance' and the thought words. I have not been able to determine whether I thought those words or did I 'read' them.
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