The life of an other person, reviewed

"Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity (is) a dawning intuition, sometimes described as having the character of a spiritual awakening, that the individual herself or himself not only is embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose, but also in some sense (is) a focus of it." Richard Tarnas  Cosmos and Psyche

The above quotation is embedded in 492 pages + 50 pages of endnotes, etc, little bitty print, not many pictures in the book.

I've not written anything recently, partly because I have had a relative die, and because this relative was younger than I am, she was my grandmother's last child, its  affected me in ways I didn't expect. She was schizophrenic but not the typical example. Her house was full to overflow with 'things', all kinds of things, but these objects were stored carefully in plastic totes, nicely arranged and labeled. There were narrow passages, walkways through the rooms.

She lived in chaos but it was orderly and strangely well managed while she lived the life of a nearly destitute elderly female, seemingly without friends or family ties. She and I never got along after we were teens so my  contact with her began when we were middle aged and I had become aware that schizophrenia may be a form, a pattern that governs the processes of individuation which was C. G. Jung's idea/regeneration, Emanuel Swedenborg/the 4th way of Gurdjieff and Ouspenksy as well as the 'going postal' experience that she had experienced herself. That's different names for the same pattern, and I had been told I understood my own experience with the pattern. I had written to several authors one of whom was Wilson van Dusen before he died. He had verified my 'hunches' that a life review process does exist and how its experienced as 'coincidences' created by mechanisms of mind that alter thought, or create new thoughts. .

She actually worked for the post office. She felt stalked, she believed someone was entering her house when she left so she wouldn't leave it and she believed that every one that tried to help her was after her house, trying to take it away from her.

 She was paranoid. I had contact with her therapist who told me he'd verified her convictions himself,   so it seemed to me he was in a 'folie aux duex'  (participation mystique is another name for it) relationship with his patient. I've had personal experience with that condition, its very likely we all have that same experience but don't know it, but I had become aware of it in my life, then could see it in other's lives too. It seemed a good idea to be able to talk about this kind of 'bond' in relationships, especially in families.

When she fell and couldn't get up, it was fortunate she did have some non-family friends who  checked in and found her, so she was taken to a hospital then to a residence for recovery and evaluation of her home by Social Services to see if it was safe and had minimum requirements, water, heat, etc.

It didn't meet minimum requirements but surprisingly it was obvious that money that should have been spent on food, heat,  clothing, maintaining a house was spent on non-essentials such as  dolls, knitting yarns that were never used, certain kinds of books, and even cases of food that were never opened and were long past pull date.

Its difficult to change a person's mindset, but some changes in the mind seem to be  changes in the material world, I've experienced that several times myself. I'd tried to talk to this aunt but found it impossible for reasons that even psychiatrists  don't understand about paranoia and its relationship to the life of an individual in the last half of life. C. G. Jung wrote that the first half of life was preparation for the last half, which indicates some degree of foresight into the future of the individual mind and life.

If this aunt had not been a part of my life, that would have been a huge empty spot, if the goal of my own life was to experience this pattern and to recognize its more than a pattern, this is an idea that has life, and strength and continuity in Time, like a person trying to convey its message, to the human race. I've written  most of this in prior posts, I'm very repetitive but its an old idea, I  recognize it here, Jesus said it all:

 ⁴⁹ “I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish it were already burning! ⁵⁰ I have a terrible baptism of suffering ahead of me, and I am under a heavy burden until it is accomplished. ⁵¹ Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! ⁵² From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.

 ⁵³ ‘Father will be divided against son
      and son against father;
   mother against daughter
      and daughter against mother;
   and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law
      and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’^[e]”

 ⁵⁴ Then Jesus turned to the crowd and said, “When you see clouds beginning to form in the west, you say, ‘Here comes a shower.’ And you are right. ⁵⁵ When the south wind blows, you say, ‘Today will be a scorcher.’ And it is. ⁵⁶ You fools! You know how to interpret the weather signs of the earth and sky, but you don’t know how to interpret the present times.

 ⁵⁷ “Why can’t you decide for yourselves what is right? ⁵⁸ When you are on the way to court with your accuser, try to settle the matter before you get there. Otherwise, your accuser may drag you before the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, who will throw you into prison. ⁵⁹ And if that happens, you won’t be free again until you have paid the very last penny.^[f]”

The Internet didn't exist in 1980 when Mt. St. Helens erupted 60 miles away from my home. I wasn't feeling like my normal self but I'd been in an accident and had a complete hysterectomy so for a time those causes explained the changes in my body and a few changes in my thought. I was noticing  certain habits I had and wondered about why I noticed them now. Why had I always doodled piles of figure 8's ? Why did I add numbers across automatically, seeing the sum instantly, ignoring 9's 'because they don't change anything or are just place holders? 9548123 = 5 is an example; 9, 54,81 are 9's the remaining 2 + 3 = 5.  I knew where the rule originated: an impulse created a thought when I was 9 years old, 'add the double numbers across' when I struggle to memorize the times tables.

It was no person that told me to make my first moebius band also when I was about 9 years old;  it was the same impulse. That impulse is embedded somewhere in my mind/brain/body, It has eyes through mine.

It would never have occurred to me to believe the eruption of a mountain blowing her dusty inner contents out to  cover the area that was in her wind path corresponded with an emerging eruption of inner contents in myself,  people I knew then and what we were doing physically.

In 1983 I had neurological tests done at Harborview Hospital, it was an all day process. When the tests was evaluated I found out my handedness had changed from right to left. I could also write back-wards, mirror image as easily with my left hand as I had written forwards with my right hand. I had never read or heard about 'right brain/left brain' ideas and my experiences now seem to have not been caused by known causes, no accident caused the changes. It was not the result of a hysterectomy. The  timing of events began to get my attention and it was obvious that a kind of synchronization between 'thought' and other inner  content and what was happening outside of my body was precisely aligned to form the 'movie like plot' that  C.G. Jung wrote was the individual life, individuated.   

 

Writing a book by living it

C. G. Jung discovered that a persons' life is a movie like story that one discovers as one lives it. His idea of his life plot was to discover the collective unconscious. After reading a lot during the past 33 years, and living a 'strange life' within my real life circumstances, I don't agree that he discovered as much as he might have. The Collected Works were written from a rational mind.  I realize he was unable to integrate the 'irrational/subjective' experiences he wrote  down in the Red Book; Seven Sermons to the Dead; and the last chapters of Memories, Dreams and  Reflections into reality.

I've also mentioned that Emanuel Swedenborg and others had already written about the fact that now (thanks to the Internet) its known that all civilizations share similar inner images and develop stories from them about the 'gods', invisible forces and their own relationship to nature. Reading information that's new to me has created the body of  my never ending life story, although the fact that I've had several 'mind-quakes' after the first one in 1984 is important to understand. I get new ideas from old information when my life plot is being revealed to me.

I've just re- re-read a wonderful article by Luis Monteil and M. S. Beer (The Symbolism of Dream (1814) by Gotthilf Heinrich von Schubert: another link in the Aurea Catena) that suggested the presence of an 'inner poet' within the individual;  an entity that is 'crestfallen in the present existence'. I quote:  "This' strange' poet hidden inside us seems to find an unwanted pleasure in what saddens us, and has on the contrary, a very grave idea about our pleasures, which shows that he is not always comfortable with our present existence'.

And 'in fact, nature seems to agree with the 'hidden poet' inside us and together they mock our miserable joy and our joyful misery."
I've met that entity but it seems to me to not always be contrary, like a toddler in the "NO!" phase. There are phases when it  agrees with me, that's when its work is being accomplished through what I do, physically. Then if I can 'get the message in its form which is in the language of that deep, really deep level of mind'  I see a correspondence between my mental and physical content. I had to learn to see that correspondence but often they match perfectly so its impossible not to see that perfect timing in events, which I could not foresee myself.

It  is 'serendipity'. a word that  Alan Vaughn defined as 'the art of finding something valuable when you are looking for something else'. Its a kind of coincidence but not the kind that's easy to describe briefly.

The 'strange poet within' began to get my attention in the late 70s' and  early 1980's. It created a sentence of its own, and inserted it into my own thought but I recognized I had not 'thought' that thought myself. The hidden poet within repeated that thought until I was curious, and that didn't happen quickly.

When I recognized the mind produced sentence because it was repeating spontaneously and knew  I had not 'thought' it myself, that was a miracle, a slow moving miracle, timed so I could watch and listen to a 'voice' unlike ours. However I can only realize that now, 33 years after the event happened! Life plots don't follow a linear pattern, its like 'abstracting order from chaos' the way William Blake described it,  to build the entire story as one lives life in Time in a body.

I have just listened to Dr. Phil whose latest book is as he honestly says, about the 'new normal'. He's not lived the 'new normal' himself, at least not physically because he's listened and learned from others that the old rules are gone. He's heard and counseled  people who have  lived through most of the problems of our current slot in Time and up to a point, he's very good at his job. But his experience is from other peoples' life plot.

There are facts that he doesn't seem to know yet, about family life that I didn't know myself, until the 'change of life' happened in my family. (I base my understanding on personal experience but  its validated in The Family Unconscious, An Invisible Bond by E. Bruce Taub-Bynum; as well as several books authored by Theodore Reik, and a recent book by Kenneth Kimmel, Eros and The Shattering Gaze, Transcending Narcissism. I had lived much of that book.

Theodore Reik is an important person in my life plot.  He wrote that no scientific studies had been done of the effect of one person's unconscious on another BUT  he didn't realize how he'd written his own story, had woven it around Goethes'  until he was in his 60's. That's when he wrote Fragment of a Great Confession! Theodore Reik, by the age of 18, had read everything Goethe had written!

There's a debate about whether men have a menopause going on in the news now; to me, its a family change, a symbiotic experience, not well known apparently to males. But there's no doubt in my mind that there is a family connection and that a change in one member can and does affect the family.

 Watch the movie, Ash Wednesday starring Henry Fonda and Elizabeth Taylor to understand that males do 'change' at midlife. Its about a man who said the classic words associated with male menopause, (which I read in a book one day in 1984 or thereabouts and realized I'd recently heard someone say those words almost word for word, to me. Its a symbiotic family based experience, not well known probably because its just now possible to study such 'bonds' as are in families on small scales as in larger families, the entire family of man.

The new normal has happened  to us, and many should have experienced the 'new normal' as it advanced and began to replace the normal where I lived. It happened to people that did not know their life plot but more than a few know it now.

Divorces and the problems associated with severing ties that at times are too binding; the complicated  affairs relating to child care, support/custody, legal  processes that don't make sense and are incredibly time consuming and expensive, and the lack of  knowledge of the psychological sense itself and its role in history from even the ancient past, the new normal began there...

Coming into contact with the real world that lies behind the wavering mirage of the visible world.

Many authors have tried to describe what I am trying to describe, which is basically a new language that is probably in our genes now.  C. G. Jung wrote that an individuation pattern is 'inherent in man'. That may be literally true but only one author seems to me to have directly experienced the thing that is trying to make contact with those of us who live on this planet: Peter D. Ouspensky. 

A language has to come from some intelligent source and have some purpose its trying to accomplish or what's the point? There's a chapter in A New Model of the Universe in which  he wrote  about his actual contact with that Other, which spoke in hieroglyphs and which conveyed information in what seems to me to have been a wordless language. He obviously felt he was listened to and sometimes got answers:

 "I did not obtain particularly new facts through my experiments, but I got many thoughts. When I saw that my first aim, i.e., objective magic, remained unattainable, I began to think that the artificial creation of mystical states might become the beginning of a new method in psychology. This aim would have been attained if I had found it possible to change my state of consciousness while at the same time retaining full power of observation. This proved to be impossible to the full extent. The state of consciousness changed, but I could not control the change, could never say for certain in what the experiment would result, and even could not always observe; ideas followed upon one another and vanished too quickly. I had to recognise that though my experiments had established many possibilities, they did not give material for exact conclusions. The fundamental questions as to the relation of subjective magic to objective magic and to mysticism remained without decisive answers.

But after my experiments I began to understand many things differently. I began to understand that many philosophical and metaphysical speculations, entirely different in theme, form, and terminology, might in actual fact have been attempts to express precisely that which I came to know, and which I have tried to describe. I understood that behind many of the systems of the study of the world and man there might lie experiences and sensations very similar to my own, perhaps identical with them. I understood that for centuries and thousands of years human thought has been circling around something that it has never succeeded in expressing.

In any case my experiments established for me with indisputable clarity the possibility of coming into contact with the real world that lies behind the wavering mirage of the visible world. I saw that knowledge of the real world was possible but, as became clearer and clearer to me during my experiments, it required a different approach and a different preparation.
Putting together all that I had read and heard of, I could not but see that many before me had come to the same result, and many, most probably, had gone much further than I. But all of them had always been inevitably confronted with the same difficulty, namely the impossibility of conveying in the language of the dead (world, my addition) the impressions of the living world. All of them except those who knew another approach.... I came to the conclusion that without the help of those who know another approach it is impossible to do anything. "

I'm not sure any experiments such as Ouspensky devised are necessary and a physically present teacher may not be necessary, but another approach to getting information is necessary. The psychological sense as a new mindset in Freud's writings is the same form that created the Greek mythologies and even prior to their era. I suggest reading Norman O. Brown's  Life Against Death,  because in that book he described what I've experienced that the unconscious becomes conscious by connecting, being reflected by some event in the exterior world. This is just the beginning however, recognizing that a hidden world begins to 'speak' through those events.
 That's my opinion although  learning does begin with the language of the visible world. I grew up hearing the adults I  knew say that 'life is a school and we are the students' often enough that the words took root. They were stabilizers when my mind changed my thought was different in fact I'd been 'thought' less basically until this point  that changed every aspect of what is outside my body: everything and every thing .

Life as my guru.

I'm going to try to write shorter posts, more often.  I've been told I need to do that.

 

I'm beginning this post with a picture that my youngest son drew when he was 9 years old. I kept it in a box for a few decades then decided to have it  framed and give it to him for his birthday. That's when he told me what the picture was 'saying'. Or what he intended it to 'say'. He was in his late 30's then and I'm sure he could not have told me when he was 9 years old what was in his mind when he painted the Narcissus and butterflies.  I remember telling him that Narcissus always face the sun.

When he got the present he remembered right away what he'd thought: " I wanted the flowers to talk to each other, they needed to talk to each other." I was temporarily stunned  because the picture was an  image of what was going on in his home, in his life and in the bigger picture, the flow of  ideas in history, his story.

He has not read the myth of Narcissus and Echo, but until I was in my mid 50's neither had I. I bought a book about Narcissism, The Character Disorder and its Transformation sometime in 1987.That's when I went to a showing of Jung's Wisdom of the Dream,but I'd been influenced very much by Bill Moyers talks with Joseph Campbell also. I had never watched documentaries they were boring to me, but that was the beginning of finding a guru waiting patiently in life's events for me to begin to listen to it.

When I did read about how Narcissus saw his reflection in a pond  and was talking to himself, I felt that I was reading words that told me a fact that I'd lived and become aware of. But with the strange literalness of transferring the word 'reflection' to be a reference about his 'thought'. He did not recognize his thought was about himself, but this is not all thought, but certain thought, a certain quality of thought. That kind of thought, which is marked by seeming to be spoken to one, rather that produced by ones one self was new to me but only to me at that junction point. This is an introduction to my own experience when it began to happen to me.

 The lonely Echo that repeated the last words he said to his image in the pond were also about a certain relationship many females live unknowingly.  I recognized that a 9 years old boy had captured this in his painting.

The metamorphosis of the changes that butterflies go through as an image of a life process may have been stored as  unconscious knowledge, i,.e, in certain inner content  but the idea  was a great distance from 'falling into speech' to quote Emanuel Swedenborg. A lot happened in a few decades that has changed relationships in families.  But a few decades had brought that kind of information into speech that was easy to say at that point.

I've experienced that a great distance exists in the mind, between certain content and being able  write it then even later say it easily aloud. The information to understand certain experiences many individuals try to write about now, seems to be more available now than it was 25 years ago.

 I heard my self and saw my body in a new kind of perception for several years, and learned a lot about my mind and life during that span, when self observation and a life re-view was carefully initiated. Some individuals do not recognize that initiation. Or as the parable of the sower speaks about, its not easy to maintain a fixed idea. The ancients wrote that every thing becomes its opposite as time passes. That seems to hint at a fact!

The history of myths and the fact that they contain in a concealed form a truth was a field we in my family knew nothing about, it was not a topic we talked about at  the dinner table.

Suggested reading, its available to read  on the Internet or through Amazon: Ethan Allen Hitchcock's book: Remarks Upon Alchemy & the Alchemists 1857. He preceded Jung by a few decades in his thought about the strange relationship of the physical world to the inner world.

 

The purpose in life: to discover something new

Have you ever known a person that believes that what happened in the past is  fixed, that nothing that's happened can  be changed ?  That's a common belief, wars happened, goverments changed, events beyond the personal level have had effects. So its  almost common to believe the past is fixed, in a certain way. But I believe its essential to look beyond the generation in which I've lived  to realize that understanding the past in a new way is possible.In my opinion, that's why I (and every other individual) was born. (01-02-1932 7:30 a.m, that was a Saturday in Roachdale, Indiana was when I breathed my first  breath. If I'd been born a day later  my encounter with 'history' itself could not have happened.) So many changes in a few decades have forced us to think about the new future by re-viewing the past.

That is our individual task in linear time: to re-view, and I mean literally to see again with new eyes and a unique personal history the effects of the past on a persons' unique life contents and discover one is 'led' to discover what is unique in that life. That's the most diffficult task, recognizing one is 'directed', similar to how a satellite might feel if it had consciousness and language, of being manipulated from afar, but on this planet. A progression of personal evolution, a process that selects an individual guided by an unseen but detectable presence requires events to happen in the most invisible territory, in that one mind. With my hindsight and my background of reading science fictions from a very young age, I believe the process has been fictionalized by some hard core scientists!   Somewhat akin to the evolution of David Bowman in Arthur C. Clarkes' fictional Space Odesseys, a  new life emerges. He begins in a body but that's just the first stage, he is learning to live without a body and work for a hidden intelligence that he no longer doubts is activating his life.

In the years since 1980, when Mt. St.Helens erupted near where I lived, ideas about time have changed very much. In 2013 movies, television shows, books about time travel are being made and talked about. It is possible to think that certain ideas, ie., 'Dust thou were and to dust thou returneth.' were a kind of Divine Foresight which Isaac Newton recognized was supposed to prove there has been  Divine Providence! Those words can be re-understood to point towards a foreknowledge of quantum physics: "Quantum particles thou were in the beginning and to quantum particles thou will returneth in the ending."

I hear a voice coming at me every day, I hear it everywhere now but  its not a human voice. The voice has been speaking on this planet before records were kept, that seems obvious to me, it seems to be heard by many individuals now. However in 1984 I had no information about the past, I knew very little about history so at this  point in Time, I look back into my past and recognize that I and certain significant people I know, were  born to  unite in a certain way, at a certain time, to begin to detect this voice. It has been hidden, embedded within activities in every day life.

 It, this 'voice'  had to be abstracted from  that embeddeness. It literally is an artifically created voice, not created by computers, but by a pattern that has been verified but not by science. How did it begin? 

Alan Vaughn describes in his Incredible Coincidence, The Baffling World Of Synchronicity, how a person can become a bit player in their own individual life and become a star in someone else's life.  I read that book just when those words seemed somehow electrified so that I lingered over them.

The title of the book came to my attention when I was searching in a library card file, for the author of another book whose name I'd forgotten! Library card files are obsolete now of course but it was pure chance that I was looking for thebook,  An Imagined World, because I'd forgotten the authors name. It was just when I was flipping through the card file that I had noticed, then paused to see the name of a book:  "Incredible Coincidence". That happened just when that kind of synchronization was beginning to happen to me but that kind of personal  association was not one I expected to form then. I'd already experienced a few 'strange' events that seemed unlikely to happen even once in a life time because of the perfect timing.

That process of abstraction is not difficult to describe now, its almost certainly what creates a book that has a long bibliography at the end, such as I find at the end of a book I've just finished: The Syndetic Paradigm, by Robert Aziz.  The author has read a lot, but has abstracted certain information from other authors and from them formed a new understanding, at least its new to him. I saw the process at work in my own life although I'm not an author. The process itself created the 'voice' and the information necessary to understand it, in a form that is literally the basis for Carl Sagan's  fictional book (!!), Contact. The 'voice' began to speak in the location where I and other individuals were living and doing something specific: introducing higher levels of our national dance, square dancing, to the reluctant mainstream level dancers, beginning in the late 1970's into the amazing years after 1984!

Television commercials  now, and in 1984  contain words that could  not logically be said about automobiles. "I see the miraculous around me every where..." is a recent commercial I heard, the words were about Cisco. But in my mind an association was formed automatically to Peter D. Ouspensky because I've read most of his books. To some one that hasn't read In Search of the Miraculous, the commercial is just words..... probably.

I remember reading a book in the late 1980's, about a young man that wanted to re-live his life from  a certain point so that he could undo a mistake he'd made when he was 13 years old. He believed  he could do differently which would change his future, his present 'now' so that he'd be able to court a young woman he loved but could not hope to support. He was in deep despair when he chanced to meet a magician that told him it was possible to re-live that period. But nothing would happen differently. The Magician told the young man he would do what he'd done before. That proved to be true.  Ivan Osokin observed  helplessly as he relived again the past. He observed himself relive his past, knowing as he did, his own future.  Even knowing the future he could not 'will' his own body to do differently. The idea of 'self observation' was not one I had ever thought about.

Th Strange Life of Ivan Osokin by P. D. Ouspensky was just a book I picked up somewhere, I don't remember exactly when the book  came to my attention but the first mention of it was when I read a strange book: Theory of Eternal Life by Rodney Collin. Its really about the 'worlds of quantum physics' believe it or not!  The timing seems miraculous because in 2013 so much has changed about 'time'.  Its not a topic that only scientists think about.  I'd never heard of P. D. Ouspensky, or so it seemed at the time I read The Strange Life of Ivan Osokin because I'd not noticed it was mentioned in Collins' book.

 In a conversation between Ivan and the Magician I read these words: "You have inadvertently guessed a very great secret..." The words, those particular words made me feel strange, I had no language then to describe this strange feeling that made me pause and re-read the words several times, wondering (of course) what the 'very great secret' might be.The idea of a very great secret would make anyone pause to wonder, but the feeling of strangeness was what I wondered about primarily.

The words were being brought to my attention, seleected and highlighted by a function of mind, that I believe now is the real work of the transcendental function itself.

This morning is 33 years later than when I began to read 'that kind of book', but in those decades, my past has been re-viewed in great detail and in its exact specific, very specific content. In 1983 I had neurological tests done that resulted in my being told my handedness had changed but that was just one area of change in my body, which I believed was caused by a head injury. This kind of 'accident' can happen to anyone but it seemed to cause a change in how everything outside of my body affected me. Everything was different rather gradually.

By 1984 I was hearing everything differently than normal for me and seeing the familiar material world very differently, yet nothing was really different. It was obvious to me (eventually) that the change was all in my body/mind/brain, but other specific people seemed to be connected to that change; noticing  that was what almost sunk my mental boat while an  overwhelmingly new understanding of events re-formed what had been ordinarily my own 'normal'. There's a lot of talk now about the 'new normal', not just mine but everyones' life.

This is the information age but it began long ago, in a past that created a way, a path in life to identify and communicate with, an individual, one specific individual but through 'paradigms' it speaks to the groups in the collective of 'us' on this planet. 

 Even if what is old information is re-viewed,  re-seen and understood in a new way, the process of discovery itself is still unrecognized because its information itself, and is probably embedded in our body. As an aged female I am no longer a bundle of energy like I was in 1984.

That process created  information that I didn't know originally so that's what 'spoke' to me, as though the planet itself knew where I was and my most intimate past.  I felt like I was being talked to through events and people but now I recognize this is happening to many individual! Its nothing new. This is a symptom known as 'thought broadcasting' in psychiatric texts. I hope to describe it or at least how I began to hear 'it'. 

I had to discover the purpose in my life, a task that wasn't easy to accomplish. In a real way a few certain events that were sprinkled earlier in life were similar to a pathway. They were embedded in every day events here and there  in an unsuspectedly deep level of memory. But that fact had to be discovered also. It was a level into which it was possible to see and from which it was possible to 'hear' if one's inner content can be described as 'heard'. But  I didn't suspect that about my own mind even when I had lived half a century in 1982.

I was not a thought full person and I'm being literal, except for a few periods of 'worrying' about something, I didn't have the constant streams of thought that began in my mind late in 1981 after a brief extremely vivid short dream. Having been 'empty headed' for 5 decades, it was a change that wasn't hard to detect. New kinds of thought began to stream through my mind, and I wondered to myself if "I" thought them. That was a point of change, wondering whether "I" thought these new to me kinds of thought, which in the beginning addressed me as though I was being talked to. The first new thought used plural pronouns, we, us, our, and 'you',  plural thought, which let me repeat was new to me. It was a real switch of attention from outside my body to my minds 'output'.

 In fact every rule about what's reasonable and rational had to be broken, but that wasn't difficult to me because even when I was nearly 50 years old I didn't know those particular rules, about common sense and rationality.
It began so simply: I was sewing, my mind was adrift in reveries about a certain situation, it was very specific when suddenly I heard the words being spoken on the television. My attention was suddenly displaced as I heard the words: "The second world is just beyond your reach." although until that moment, I had not heard the television at all until my attention was shifted...