I suggest reading the earliest posts first

What is the relationship of the experience of synchronicities?

What is the relationship of the experience of synchronicities to the 'rational'? That question has been answered:

"Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity (is) a dawning intuition, sometimes described as having the character of a spiritual awakening, that the individual herself or himself not only is embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose, but also in some sense (is) a focus of it."
Richard Tarnas Cosmos and Psyche

The above quotation is embedded in 492 pages + 50 pages of endnotes, etc, little bitty print, not many pictures in the book.

"There is another world, but it is 'in' this one." Paul Eluard, Morris Berman, The Reenchantment of the World"

"Here again the dialectic that runs through the whole development of the mythical-religious consciousness stands out with particular sharpness....It is a fundmantal trait in mythical thinking that where ever it posits a definite relation between two members it transforms this relation into an identity. An attempted synthesis leads here necessarily to a coincidence, an immediate concrescence of the elements that were to be linked. " Ernst Cassirer, page 250, The Philosophy of symbolic Forms, Vol 2.

Concrescence is a term coined by Alfred North Whitehead
to show the process of jointly forming an actual entity that was without form, but about to manifest itself ...

"I saw not with the eye of the body, but the eye of the soul." Goethe; Theodore Reik's Fragment of a Great Confession

In discovering the other world, the hidden world, a very strange kind of conversation can be experienced but it's not the typical 'voice' that speaks in that other world. It's created artificially! It uses whatever is available to the individual, the specific individual.

This quotation is from War In Heaven by Charles Williams.

"When Mr. Batesby had spoken that morning it had seemed as if two streams of things: actual events and his own meditations had flowed gently together; as if not he but Life were solving the problem in the natural process of the world. He reminded himself now that such a simplicity was unlikely; explanations did not lucidly arise from mere accidents and present themselves as all but an ordered whole."
Read only the words in Bold-red. and that's the best example I can give of the process of 'abstraction' from embeddedness. This is an excellent description of synchronization as a life process. One's own meditations and actual events flow together and a new 'voice' speaks through this natural process.

Its an individualizing experience in every day life that has been named various names throughout history. C. G. Jung named it individuation, Emanuel Swedenborg had accurately identifed it as regeneration, a process that includes a life review.
An individuation process is not commonly recognized because its such a unique personalized life experience of one's own body and mind. You may be as surprised as I was to have to learn that the 'irrational' is what can't be scientifically validated because it's unique, ultra personal experiences that happen over a life span and science requires repeatability.
So the irrational is what ever isn't rational because science excludes personal analysis, the process requires repeatability. In fact the irrational is a wholeness of experience in that it includes the rational when the individuation process operates in a life or in lives. An individuation process is not commonly understood yet but I became aware of the process and the pattern without knowing about it myself!
How it creates a 'voice' and a conversation is the most personalizing life experience that can be experienced if it's recognized, because the form of its 'speech' is difficult to be discerned. Order emerges from chaos, literally over a span of time that may be decades in a life. It's speech is created artificially, the 'voice' aspect is created by a process of abstractions from every day life content. The bibliography at the end of a technical non-fictional book is in my opinion the result of that process of abstractions, its basically invisible to the author.
When quantum physics was 'discovered' that was a message that 'said': "The physical world is derived from another world" and: " there are no causes in the physical world, only effects." (Emanuel Swedenborg had already written that fact and other important details about the process of life, regeneration was his name for it, that he believed prepared a person for life after death.) One attribute of its speech is symbolic but literalness is also part of how the' voice' is created by a process literally of 'abstractions' , highlighted by the mind from every day life content, by a special function of mind that creates a 'second under lying context' automatically, with an extra 'sense'. The term 'second underlying context' was my own definition but a local Jungian psycyhiatrist told me it was an excellent term. Swedenborg's term, 'double thought' is appropriate too.

Only last year I saw an old movie (Blade Runner) and the process of 'abstraction' caused me to hear a remark made in it about 'tears lost in rain' with that 'extra meaningful sense' that I've noticed myself in my mind. It has helped me describe the undescribable invisibility of such events that occur, embedded in every day life until the 'extra sense' abstracts and highlights them. The 'jokes' that cause you to laugh most heartily are the simplest example I can give now. Television situation comedies in our time are popular from this mechanism's operations but that's just one of 'its' attributes.

There is a kind of rational logic inherent to the process, not Aristolean, or linear, because 'it' uses personal memories and experiences as the content of the process. But that's a fact that had to be recognized over a span of time when 'it' created in my life a consistent synchronization between inner content that was new to me, certain memories from my past and everything, every thing, outside my body.
The process itself was almost overwhelming for a few years until it was a new kind of 'normal', but not yet invisible. What's new eventually becomes normal but whatever is normal gets to be invisible eventually, its ever presence has made it invisible.

The process as I had to figure out myself, operates 'in' every day events. I believe it is a special sense that unites (synchronizes is the best word to use) the body and brain with what's outside the body, history and Time itself with the flow of what I believe is the 'ongoing endeavor of Time'. It may be a function of the unconsciousness itself to create the process of individuation, from the depths of mind but I'm not sure about that. But let me emphasize that I had to discover all, every 'bit of information' myself and notice how it was created from mechanisms of mind that alter 'thought' and the direction of attention. The most difficult to discover was that there is a kind of 'prompter within'. It created a new relationship with every day life events gradually.'

" The medium is the message." The extension in Time of an idea can be 'like' a signal, in my opinion.

The process of individuation is virtually unknown but I have experienced that the 'transcendental function' is in charge, it's building a future event: The Future. Sometimes long strings of events have to happen, widely spaced in time so that the personal 'meaning and context' can in some situations only be given decades later. I've had several events, separated by even decades happen, then a 'closing event ' completes the string and then an inner display retrieves them and assembles them in a flash of a second as 'insight'. Only then suddenly, it's obvious that part of me in the past somehow 'knew' the future.

I wouldn't abandon 'string theory' which F. David Peat wrote is an 'interactive force'. He did not write about or mention a process of individuation. I will have to describe in detail why I believe Sigmund Freud's 'discovery' of psychoanalysis was his experience of this individuation process and Carl G. Jung's much deeper experience was the result of recognizing the effects of the same pattern.

What ever "it" is that energizes my body in that 'kind' of event, which often happens as an ordinary situation, it's not always 'numinous' (feelable at the moment) or even unusual. It's 'feelable' when a creative 'function' of the unconscious mind that is not unconscious its self., 'highlights' the event or the memory of an event. I know it never sleeps, I've had more than acceptable evidence of that fact. That's where its possible to see evidence of foresight, when I see what happened when I was 'moved' by that function in certain specific events and finally realized I'd been alone when many of them happened.

The depths of mind is where an unsleeping part of me (and probably everyone else) is at work. Nothing materially changes but 'associations and understanding'. Its nearly impossible to detect that there's a vast space between upper regions of mind and the most remote regions of mind that produces content that is thankfully strangely visible. It uses symbols that the individual 'knows' or can recognize.

My main symbol is the moebius band in all it's forms. An impulse caused me to make my first one in 1941 when I was 9 years old. The same impulse caused me to discover its 'secret', it's hidden forms that day after I'd made the band with a 180 degree turn. "Cut around it lengthwise." was a thought and I cut it once lengthwise, surprised at the result. The thought words repeated : "Cut around it lengthwise." so I obeyed again. The result was two bands separated but joined in a knot that didn't look like it could be undone. The two bands were joined but separated. The impulse has caused me to look over my shoulder at just the right moment, in the right location and what it brings to my attention is ALWAYS a surprise, sometimes its a real shock, perfectly timed.

It's connected to a part of 'me' that knows where I am, what's in front of me, where I've been and 'it' knows my most private thought. That part evidently knows the future, it has foresight and 'it' or whatever it's connected to uses a different language than our words. But it's within me, looking through my eyes, and I'm not unusual.

The four world balloon was created from an impulse to do something irrational.

About the image of 4 balloons?

I had an impulse to create my own image to represent (re-present) of the four worlds that William Blake's Tree of Life allegory had brought to my mind. I described what I wanted to a young man in a craft store and he thought it was impossible to do what I had in mind. Yet he did it without too much trouble then he made one for himself.

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Thursday, August 25, 2016

The Language that can teach itself...

It has been a long time since I've made a post because I've had a great change in my physical life and in my thinking. Its so unexpected and distressing a change that I couldn't  think of the kind of posts I've made in the past, I'm dealing with the new effects in my body, its not just old age,  I'm certain its part of the great change on our planet that is affecting greater numbers of people  and the very atmosphere of the planet every day. Although today I want to focus on an essay written by Anne Baring about visionary individuals.  I've not had even one experience in my life similar to hers or  C. G. Jung whom she mentioned was also a visionary; I wouldn't know how to live with a mind that produced some of the inner content that Jung wrote down in his personal books, not in his Collected Works.  I'm no visionary like they were.

I read Anne Barings' essay a few years ago. It affected me personally because  I've met the intelligence she's met and lived with not as a visionary but as a specific individual female who has been isolated, identified and physically located on this planet. What I wrote and still write about is information I  learned from real  people and situations in the real world that were used by this intelligence, to control events on the planet, acting through people to illustrate its presence and teach how to understand its language. Carl Sagans' book Contact was an outline of what I experienced literally, it was an introduction to a real world experience of a 'palimpsest' painted over real world events and creating new meanings and a new understanding.

Living through this new change may be a part of the interface from the purposeful intelligence that has led me and made its self  evident to me  though the events and experiences I've had since I was born physically 01-02-1932. Another birth happened in 1984.

The essay is: http://www.annebaring.com/anbar12_lect09_unexplored.htm. She expressed the particular idea that I want to focus on is:

- Anne Baring wrote: "It is now roughly a hundred years since William James wrote his ground-breaking book - The Varieties of Religious Experience. It is clear to me from my study of visionary experience in many cultures that a visionary is aware of the reality of worlds and presences inaccessible to the "normal" state of consciousness, as this drawing by a modern teacher of Kabbalah illustrates. So to end, I would say that I am absolutely certain through my own experience and my long study of visionary experience (see The Mystic Vision) that a wider, deeper consciousness than our own is trying to reach us, trying to make itself known to us. It has been doing so for millennia. Parmenides, Dante and Jung are three individuals who have acted as conduits for this consciousness. As long as this dimension of consciousness is denied existence and dissociated from our own, it will act in the manner of an unconscious autonomous complex, influencing us without our awareness in all kinds of ways. As long as we believe that consciousness begins and ends with the brain, we will never reach what we are capable of becoming - people who, like these three remarkable men, are in conscious communion with metaphysical reality."

 I've not had one dream or even one vision similar to what they wrote about. I had never heard of  Jung when I had my first  mindquake in 1984 but by 1989 when I had the second and third mindquakes, I had become convinced his term, 'meaningful coincidence' had other names in the past and was what I was experiencing as symptoms of mental diseased interpretations of events in my life, my whole life.

 I have never interpreted even one aspect of the changes that altered the meaning of events in the early 1980's and since then.I've had several major and minor mindquakes that were actual downloads of information about my life, information about ideas I had not thought about myself. Interpretations happened to me.  That happened automatically and always was a surprise to me. A local Jungian therapist told me  in 1987 the word 'autonomous'means 'the thing that names itself." That works for me. The word 'synchronicity' wasn't in a dictionary when I looked for a definition when I realized the word was the modern equivalent of older descriptions of mental experiences.

I've been told I have some symptoms of Parkinsons' Disease, although its not verified or verifiable apparently. The worst symptom is a loss of energy and balance, A bath towel is too heavy to  lift! I can't walk normally without a cane or at times I need the support of a cart on wheels. And at times I experience, without any warning, dizziness that varies from minor to extreme. In the extreme I fall instantly, and may even lose consciousness briefly. A few weeks ago I suddenly felt my body hurtling forwards when I walked towards a shop and I thought I could stop the fall by  gripping a heavy cement planter nearby but I couldn't. So I landed on the concrete, injuring my replaced knee, but not seriously.

 Its hard to feel confident when such an incident happens so unexpectedly and in public. I remembered later that I'd had a somewhat similar incident happen in 1999. I had the sense of moving rapidly but thinking I could grip something to stop the fall marked that event. I fractured my hip in that incident.

I've joined a support group that includes individuals and families who have physical diseases that I had never heard about, Its a level of suffering that is frightening since many people are not aged like I am,  I've read everything I can find on the Internet about PD and other disorders caused by the failure of subatomic particles to function normally.  I've watched many YouTube videos that have been uploaded, but nothing explains the loss of energy and balance and the way medication works so well for a short period of time, I can walk without the extra pull of gravity that is the main symptom I experience. Its hard to walk right, left, right, left predictably, This familiar rhythm can suddenly become right, left, left, left, right, left, right, left, right.left, left,

The connection between the essay that Anne Baring wrote and my changed body and mental changes may seem to be evidence of my irrational thinking, but after a long span of becoming aware of myself as a person that was born with a purpose and a goal that was established long before I was born, there is sense  that "the system works very well" in all the planetary influences that affect the individual so personally and specifically.  

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

1984, 31 Years Later. Its a Different World

The month of July 2015 has scrolled away and August is streaming through my life. The changes that I've experienced since 1984 have been primarily of two kinds: the physical world changes and the mental world changes. The weather is different, scientific knowledge is different, pictures from deep
space are being transmitted to us, YouTube and Facebook are entrenched in our lives, smart phones and tv's are standard equipment even to an 83 years old female that got lost when digitizing everything really flooded my mental world.

But one change is personally important:  more books have been written about 'synchronicity' or another term that means the same: "meaningful coincidence' and people are talking about 'meaningful coincidences' more openly. Most people seem to connect the word to C. G. Jung's ideas but it was F. David Peats' Synchronicity, The Bridge  Between Mind and Matter that I read and felt aa relationship in his ideas to what I had been experiencing since 1984 and even prior to that year. When I looked for a definition of the word, sometime in the mid 1980's it wasn't in Websters. YouTube didn't exist; libraries used a pocket that had a card on which every person who had read the book had to write their name. And doing a book search to find a certain book could take several months.

July 31 through August 11 in 1984 was  31 years ago.  That's when I had the first 'mindquake', which was a package of information about my life that I had to discover because it was received in a deep level of my mind. Who would naturally consider their own mind had depths and different levels that produce its own thought? Or that there are mechanisms at work that  can retrieve memories systematically and purposefully to create information and identify the person? That was me in this event. Watching what was happening in my mind, even seeing what was happening in my mind was an enormous new situation, seeing my entire body as an object to look at, to listen to as though I was outside of my body yet this was a kind of body-less vision. I believe Goethe described it as 'the eye of the soul'. I had a few years of this kind of image-less self observation, I haven't been able to describe how mechanisms of mind became visible and how many changes occurred.

 During that span of years I worked 26 years at Boeing and retired in 2009. While I worked there  I became aware that my mind was  using what I was doing in my job, to create a conversation and was actively working to help me understand the content of  the event that I named a 'mind-quake' when I realized I had not  created it myself.  It was like an 'upload' of information before computers and computer terms became a component of my life.

Carl Sagan's only fictional book, Contact was literally a book that described to me a pattern that was going to emerge as I went about my life and all the particular situations in my life. Which had become subtly different than  my normal life had been. His book introduced the word 'palimpsest' to me and it was about a message that came in one package that had layers of information. Each level had to be decoded before the next could be located. Life may be a palimpsest for every one and for all of us but that cannot be explained easily.

The book had one sentence in it that I didn't notice the first time I read it, that suggested there are levels in the mind. I had not thought of that myself, it was almost unthinkable that my thoughts were not me thinking them, so that sentence was a suggestion, ignored at first. The book was written from a female perspective and it  mentioned that pi is coded. All of these details were relevant to me, in a particularly unique context that evolved as I lived my life.  I worked where the  pi symbols and the logo PIE was everywhere.

Something new emerged, a certain 'weirdness' that was uncomfortable in my body and was confusing to my mind.  I had a compulsion to 'describe what you see;  name everything you see and write about your life'. Also I became curious about things that had never had my attention, events that happened naturally in my physical life and in my own mind. Until I became curious about different thought that seemed spoken to me the way a person outside my body spoke to me,, my inner content was simple, I was literally empty headed. The  new thought made me curious eventually, and I named it  'plural thought'  after it began to emerge in my mind. I'd been empty headed literally until I had a vivid short dream in the early 1980's, unlike any dream I'd ever had. After that dream thought about one person in the dream. scrolled through my mind. Eventually I wondered about how a dream could produce such a stream of content.

 It focused my attention on one person and a location in my mind. That one person seemed to know what I was thinking at times, because he seemed to answer questions I'd never spoken about to anyone. One evening he introduced a new and difficult square dance movement that he told us we should learn correctly the first time  because its not easy to unlearn something that's been learned wrongly.. He seemed to speak to the group but he looked directly at me briefly as he said: "You've got to get this right the first time."  then he said "What you get used to gets to be normal." Then he introduced the movement which is named "Cast a shadow". The only knowledge I had then about the 'shadow' was a comic book character and a radio show that introduced to me these words: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of man? The Shadow knows. The Shadow has the power to blind men's minds so they cannot see him."

That is what the word 'shadow' means to me now and in all things. Jung's definition is not a good description of a diabolical seeming continuum that can create such a individualized story-like event. One evening I noticed that the words 'cast a shadow' re-occurred quietly as thought words into my mind after this one caller chanted them, Then I noticed the re-occurance of those quiet words happened every time this one caller and no other caller used them. Many other callers used the words, but the quiet thought words, as an echo did not emerge from them.

 What  function of mind could 'select' this one man's voice from all of the other square dance callers that said them? The transcendental function has that capacity and attribute. 

Friday, May 22, 2015

On being the 'person' that can 'think' without thinking.

Can a computer make mistakes?  I have to set a context, so this is it: In the late 60's I wanted to get a job but our 3 children were not old enough to be left without adult supervision. So on reading the ads, I noticed that many jobs were   available for experienced key punchers and verifiers and that those jobs were often  second shift, which meant my husband would be home with them. He thought it was a good idea and  IBM cards were of course everywhere then; they were part of every day life. "DO NOT FOLD, SPINDLE OR  MUTILATE"  was on each card.  It was necessary to begin the course at the local Community College by taking Data Processing 101, a 6 month long course which I did take.

Computers were in the first generation then as I found out and there was no magic involved in how they worked. I learned that they were read by machines that  detected empty slots on the cards and translated as 0 or 1!  I completed a 6 month long key punch course, then completed a 6 month long verifier course. (Every punched card had to be re-done for accuracy by the verifier.)
 I was very irritated to learn that the numbers 0, 1, 2 ,3 4, 5,6,7 8, 9,  on the IBM machines were reversed, from how they were arranged on adding machines and the comptometers that I was proficient in using.  The exact opposite from the 10-key adding machine I'd become proficient using, after they replaced comptometers, which as a bookkeeper I'd used as a payroll clerk for 5 years in my first job at Sears. (10-key adding machines were an improvement to me and I'd become very fast and more accurate.) That reversal of numbers didn't make sense but I learned the new reversed order. This was just the first time I noticed 'reversals from what had been normal to me.

My first job was with an air freight company, making IBM cards for each order, and there were piles of paperwork every day. I found out soon that my co-workers were foreign females on welfare which wasn't enough money to live on. Except for one young woman that was like me, Caucasian. She was the fastest and most accurate person in the group, she made no mistakes for days at a time. When I sat next to her, the machine gun-like noise  of her key strokes disoriented me...... for some months. Then one day she stopped punching and grinned at me as she asked: "You're trying to keep up with me, aren't you? You want to be faster than I am,  don't you?" I had begun to want to match her accuracy. It seemed impossible that someone could 'type' so fast and rarely make an error but I felt challenged to try to match her speed and if possible improve my accuracy.  I did progress but never came close to her accuracy.

When my husband was recalled to work, I quit that job until the next time he was laid off or on strike, I found a job so we would have insurance coverage. I was hired by an large insurance company that was just at that point converting from hand posted journalled bookkeeping to computers. It was  a very great change.

A handsome (I really thought he was movie star good-looking )  young programmer was in charge, helping the 3 well into middle aged women I was  hired to work with because I had some computer education. He  had to link their knowledge of the hand posted reports to the many abstracted reports produced by the computer. At the end of the month the top level  supervisors hovered around us waiting for their 'figures' which had to balance exactly to the penny, with one all encompassing report. They needed those 'figures' and quickly so they hovered around in a bothersome way, pacing, looking over our shoulders.
 As time passed I became aware that the woman I worked most closely with had a genius kind of understanding that helped to link the hand posted material to the machine generated output so that it balanced, but that she did that almost magically, not from understanding how she did it. She was eager to learn more and we got along well until one month, the reports that were abstracted from the main journal didn't balance, by a few dollars and cents. The hovering 'suits' (that's what we called the supervisors bosses) were frustrated and  outraged when the error delayed their monthly 'figures'.

 The programmer was the only person that understood enough to trace the many reports to  the final report and he was as frustrated as they were. One day I overheard him trying to explain what he was doing  to an assembly of top level supervisors and I heard myself interrupt: "The only explanation is the computer isn't adding accurately." It was a statement that I had not thought about, the words came from my mouth thought-less-ly.

That made everyone laugh but as days passed and the error wasn't located, I began to think the only way to prove it was to use a 10-key adding machine, produce a tape and match the items on it to the items on the final report, which was a big pile, not a few pages. Against my bosses wishes I began to use my 10-key to enter the items on the final report and that took a few hours to do, the tape filled a wastebasket when I finished. My final figure was only a few dollars different so I had to find that difference.

The task of matching the items on the tape to the numbers on the report was left to me to do, and the atmosphere was hostile so I felt pressured but determined.  Within only a few minutes I'd located an error and corrected it, after which  my tape differed from the main journal  by the exact difference we needed to locate. That changed the atmosphere from hostility to a more tolerable distrust of the idea that the computer had not added correctly. The programmer and I worked to compare my tape to the journal and at the end the only difference was again the exact difference we needed. The  computer had for  some reason produced the wrong amount.  The same problem occurred the next month and the next month, but nobody ever figured out why it happened.  That was barely enough to restore me to some semblance of reasonable but I left that job in a stressful mindset.

 My next job was in a county government office, and by then the second generation of computers were entering the workplace. A situation developed that caused me to be assigned to the medical billing office, just when a new manager was appointed and then dismissed so that we didn't have a boss.  The group I worked with had no management and I was the only person that had bookkeeping  and computer experience so we decided to keep going with what knowledge we had. It was in this job that I witnessed how a few people who have authority  can operate as though they are kings, with unlimited power to make decisions that affect others drastically, to a life changing degree.

Computers were so different then but 0,1, was still the basis of   how information was input, used and stored. Now the computer is being developed that can 'think' like we humans think. Can that be accomplished? I remember when I heard my self say, "The computer must not be adding correctly." and nobody believed me.

Thursday, January 15, 2015


"The psychic life is in 'higher space' and it's point of communication with the visible world at a given moment is through the brain." Maurice Nicoll, page 117 from Living Time and Integration of the Life.

Richard Tarnas makes a remark in his Cosmos and Psyche: ”Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity was a dawning intuition …… that the individual was herself or himself not only embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose, but also in some sense (is) a focus of it."

" What happened in the past is dependent on what is to happen in the future." Paul Davies, Other Worlds  
 The past is prologue. Norman O. Brown.  

"Somebody said that it couldn't be done, at least no one ever has done it."

IN 1932, Los Angeles hosted the Olympic game, that's the year I was born. Then 52 years later, Los Angeles hosted the Olympic games in July 31-August 11, 1984. A few weeks before the games opened this incident happened: I was sewing, the television was on but I wasn't listening to it until suddenly I heard the words: "The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed." as though the volume of the television had been turned up. I looked at the television. It was an advertisement for a new automobile, the Infiniti I believe. "How ridiculous!" I thought to myself. "Advertisements don't have to make sense. A 'new world' in a new car?", then I went back to my sewing and my thinking, (which had been about a few unusual events that had recently happened in a square dance group we belonged to.)

But the words in the advertisement didn't leave my thought. They began to be regenerated, re-occurring for no reason I could see for several days. Then over a span of time that I can't be certain about I noticed that memories of a few incidents that had happened in the past year came to mind along with those words in the automobile advertisement.

(One incident came to mind but a few others followed it: I had met the man who had bought our house a few years ago. He was so changed that I barely recognized him. He had looked at me and said something that made me feel confused: "You've gone through re-birth haven't you?" I didn't answer or ask what he meant. He'd had plans when he bought our house, to marry his girlfriend, have a baby and live happily in the house after turning it into a duplex, so they could afford the house. Everything went as he'd planned until he had been caught in the tenants' bed. His wife divorced him and would not let him see his child. He was grief stricken and genuinely in anguish.

He was skeletally thin, but so was I. It takes one to know one?

"You've gone through re-birth, haven't you?" was vaguely associated in my thought with those unusually well timed events. I had begun to wonder if I was thinking some of my own thought content before this string of events happened. A  kind of thought that was new to me had begun, it addressed me as though it was spoken by some other person.  The events had happened and I'd barely thought about them until a few accumulated. It was the timing that marked them as unusual.

Several incidents now puzzled me because they were retrieved and batched along with the strange fact that I'd not thought about them after each event happened. Now the words in the advertisement seemed to link up with those few events which had been unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. The words 'The second world is here and in the second world all the rules are changed.' and those events were inked up in my mind. Very gradually I began to sense that I was in a 'second world where all the rules are changed."

I'd had a neurological test done because I believed I'd had brain damage. Everything seemed different but when I looked carefully, nothing looked different. The tests resulted in my being told my handedness had changed from right to left. I found I could write in reverse with my left hand as fluently as I could with my right hand. My mind was different, my body felt wretched; I wasn't sleeping at all; I couldn't remember what I read; I was getting lost when I went to familiar places. At night lights seemed eyelike, pinpoints of light that were just lights when I looked carefully. I looked carefully.

It was not easy to realize that a kind of self observation had begun: I was seeing my own body as though I was audience as well as an actor in my life. The change was in my mind obviously, was subtle and it overlaid everything for a several years after 1984.

Less than a year later I was working at Boeing when a line from a poem I'd memorized after reading it only twice when I was in high school began to haunt me, re-occurring in my mind as I went about my job. "At least no one ever has done it." linked up eventually with an idea that had begun to lurk in my mind in the late 1970's.

My mind had produced a thought assembled from two books I'd read. In Thornton Wilders' The Bridge of San Luis Rey there's a conversation in a chapter titled, Perhaps An Intention in which an old abbess made a remark that had caused me to pause over it when I read it the first time. It's on page 137, "..and the insane? How do they treat them now? I watch them sometimes and it seems to me there is a secret about it, just out of sight, just around the corner....."

I remember thinking this was an odd question, it seemed out of context and somehow unusual to insert in the conversation.

The other book was Arthur C. Clarke's Childhood's End which I'd read when it came out. It had affected me in a way that no other book I've ever read has done. This time when I re-read Childhood's End, I felt again the effect it had on me originally. Several unusual situations developed when I was re-reading Childhood's End: I noticed that at a certain point I read a sentence on page 181, in the chapter titled The Last Generation but had omitted one word. Then noticing the omission, I paused to wonder why I had not read that word!

That sentence is embedded in a chapter titled The Last Generation in a paragraph that is a part of a conversation between an alien and a man that stowed away on a spaceship and is on the aliens' planet. The alien speaks: "All through that century the human race was drawing slowly nearer to the abyss never even suspecting it's existence. Across that abyss, there is only one bridge. Few ....... unaided have ever found it. Some have turned back while there was still time, avoiding both the danger and the achievement. That would never have been your fate or your fortune. Your race was too vital for that. It would have plunged into ruin and taken others with it, for you would never have found the bridge."

Then I noticed that I had not read what was on the page which was: "Few races unaided have ever found it." I'd read 'Few unaided have ever found it." Why was the word 'races' omitted? Somehow I could not read the word 'races' in that one sentence! I was more puzzled by why I wondered to myself about this not too unusual fact, I scan read usually.

It was then I felt a faint sense that within my mind there was another reader, a presence of some kind behind my own eyes. It had been faintly sensed as I'd read, I'd felt it as a sense of a 'poised, waiting, even searching' eye, expecting something and it had recognized what it was looking for in this material: "...it is an abyss across which few....unaided have ever found their way."
But somehow the word 'races' was not part of what it recognized. I was watching my mind at work, without knowing consciously that at the moment my attention had been re-focused to a new world, my inner world. In that world, thought of a new kind had been scrolling through my mind for nearly 2 years, about a dream I'd had.

The television had never seemed to say something that made me think about my life, until this incident happened. Why was my attention suddenly shifted, at just that moment in Time? Just exactly at the point when I was thinking about a few unusual events that had happened in the past few months? Other incidents had happened that now were joined together and I was slightly curious finally, watching what I had given no attention to before:  the content in my mind.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Life is a palimpsest or: How I learned a new way to understand synchronized events.

Apollo speaks
in  lines 659 -666 of the Euminedes about an immaculate conception:  a woman born fully grown from a mans head: "I will explain this, too, and see how correctly I will speak. The mother of what is called her child is not the parent, but (she is) the nurse of the newly-sown embryo. The one who mounts is the parent, whereas she, as a stranger for a stranger, [660] preserves the young plant, if the god does not harm it. And I will show you proof of what I say: a father might exist without a mother. A witness is here at hand, the child of Olympian Zeus, Athena, who was not nursed in the darkness of a womb, [665] and she is such a child as no goddess could give birth .

The Internet didn't exist  in 1980 when Mt. St. Helens erupted 60 miles away from my home. That eruption happened May 18, at 8:32 a.m.
 I  remember I  wasn't feeling like my normal self when my best friend  called to tell me the mountain had erupted. She had a view directly down the valley but it wasn't necessary to call because the sky was dark suddenly.

 Nine years later on May 18, 1989, I was in Chicago, visiting the Museum of Science and Industry where  I bought a printout of the news of the year, month and day I was born. The news  of the year was basically about quantum physics; the discovery of the function of neurons in the brain; and surface chemistries. I'd begun to read books authored by Paul Davies, David Bohm and other authors about a topic that was strange for a 57 years old female, with only a high school education, who had read only fictions for nearly 6 decades, about quantum physics.

Science fictions were only fictions but I'd read every pulp magazine my father read when I was less that 16 years old. He had hid them so I had to find them, read them when he wasn't around (at night under a blanket with a flashlight, or by light from a street light when he took the flashlight away) and put them back. I don't know why he hid them, I don't remember  ever asking him why. We were not friends.

 The paper informed me I'd been alive 20, 956 days.   I'd never thought about  counting the days I'd lived until that moment. But I noticed the numbers 256 again....that number had begun to come to  my attention in many places, it had made me wonder why by then. My mind ignored the 9, its a habit I've had for years after learning about 'casting out 9's' when I was a bookkeeper and other experiences I had when I was about  9 years old. An impulse had caused me to discover a pattern in the times tables but that was just the beginning of the habit, other events and life situations built from that impulse. Casting out nines has other names as I found out. (2 + 9 = 11= 2) so the 9 changes nothing. Its a way to find transpositions, i.e., numbers twisted around;  I learned that when bookkeeping was done by handpost on ledgers. The difference in twisted numbers is always divisible by 9.  I'm explaining that I add numbers across automatically so in 20, 956,  9's don't change anything,  the number 9 was somehow not there to see.

It would never have occurred to me to believe the literal event, the eruption of a nearby mountain blowing her dusty inner contents out to  cover the area that was in her wind path corresponded with an emerging eruption of inner contents in myself, as well as in the lives of some  people I knew then,  and as years and decades passed, I've witnessed that the change eventually darkened the planet.

What two small groups of individuals  were doing physically was learning to square dance at higher levels, not leaving the mainstream level but adding a more complex level of interaction: gender roles and positions were removed from the higher level.  The majority of mainstream dancers did not welcome All Position Dancing, because all gender was removed. A fun hobby is changed into a  complicated dance that has the basic attributes of quantum physics, the I Ching, chess, checkers and psychological concepts, i.e., the interaction of opposites.

The events, viewed from hindsight, beginning that day in 1980 until this morning in 2014 was almost a perfect literal representation at the time it happened that described in a new language what we were doing physically.  It represented what was happening in the location where events were already being lived, on a kind of stage where a drama had been prepared long ago, to be enacted, physically and materially. This is  a language that taught itself because I learned from no person, an invisible process was initiated in my mind, and it seemed to me, in other minds that knew the script, knew their part in the drama,  before I did.  In 1984 we were in a state of high emotions, I felt them in my situation, other individuals felt the emotional charges in their own situation but most unexpected and unexplainable event emerged as time passed:  the words they spoke and what they did physically seemed to merge into my unspoken thoughts!

When July 31 through August 11, 1984 scrolled through our lives and what we were doing was literally introducing higher levels to the mainstream,  several individuals interacted as though they had  knowledge of what I was thinking. One person in particular seemed to answer questions I had never spoken about to anyone, using the same words that ordinarily were said in teaching advanced and challenge levels of square-dancing.

It was summer of 1985, I'd been working for Boeing since February 11, 1985 that  I read Contact, by Carl Sagan. The book introduced me to the word: palimpsest and other ideas. It was written from the female perspective!

I'd already begun to change:  I'd been in an accident and had a complete hysterectomy, so for a few years those apparent causes explained the changes in my body and seemed to explain a few changes in my thought. I'd noticed several changes in my  'thought content' by 1984, but also I was noticing certain habits I've had most of my life. Yet it seemed odd to me that only then, that I wondered about why I noticed these details. Why be curious about habits I'd had for decades? Why had I always doodled piles of figure 8's ? Why was I noticing license plates and trying to make sense of the numbers, it was bothersome and ridiculous.  Until one day I bought an automobile that was tabbed:  ETW 651 and I saw that my mind produced Extra Terrestrial Woman 651 fas easily as BYOB translates to Bring Your Own Bottle,  much to my amusement.

Why did my mind seem to have developed the habit, to spontaneously add numbers across, it seemed to happen automatically now especially:  seeing the sum instantly (13 = 4; 35 = 8;  271 = 10 = 1 because  9's ' don't change anything or are just place holders. In a string like this: 999992 the numbers sum to 47, which is then 11, which is  summed to 2, the remainder if you divide 999992 by 9.

The times table of 9's is an example; 9, 18, 27, 36, 45 and then the numerals turn around:  54, 63, 72, 81, 90... forever. The product sums to 9.   But I'd had almost 5 decades of experience in which that information had been acquired. And more important to me, was the fact that I knew where the rule originated, I was about 9 years old when a thought occurred into my mind, to add the double numbers across when I struggled to learn the 'times tables'. No person told me to do that, it was a thought that occurred into my mind, a thought that I responded to immediately and from that impulse I discovered patterns in each times table.  That impulse was a thought, only a thought, or so it seems, that "I" ? thought when I was about 9 years old.

This is a lesson in the simplest most basic school, life itself.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

My future flashed before my eye...

There was a point in Time when my future did begin to flash before an eye, although its not the two eyes of my body that saw and remembered afterwards what was relayed to me then, about my psychologically defined life. Be patient and non-judgemental please and read this  quotation from Silvano Arieti's obituary, it  may help understand what I mean about the psychologically defined mindset: "In 1975 he won a National Book Award for ''Interpretation of Schizophrenia,'' a work that emphasized the psychological origins of the disease, and developed methods for doctors to understand the schizophrenic's mind.   
The following year, his book ''Creativity: The Magic Synthesis'' outlined an elaborate theory for understanding what goes on in the act of creativity.  He also studied Roots of Judaism.  Where Dr. Sigmund Freud had defined a ''primary'' mental process of the disordered, unconcious mind, and a ''secondary'' process of logical, integrated thought, Dr. Arieti argued there was a ''tertiary'' process in which primary and secondary were combined to bring about an accepted artistic representation. 
In his later years, Dr. Arieti, who was born in Pisa, Italy, also became interested in the moral roots of Judaism. He wrote ''The Parnas,'' a short book about Giuseppe Pardo Roques, the leader of the Jewish community in Pisa at the start of World War II, and about Mr. Roques's mental illness." That illness had made Arieti want to understand the mind of that man. He, the  Parnas had an obsessional  fear of                dogs, and he would not leave the house, even when the town was being invaded  by Mussollini's 'dogs', in World War 2, he remained behind."  
This happened in my life but its a highly condensed  version: I (and other people as I found out later) had begun to be curious about the relationship between a  couple we knew and saw frequently because they seemed to be almost one person, which  seemed strange to me. While cleaning our van I found a roll of film under the seat, didn't know how long it had been there but I took it to be developed. A week or so later I went to their house for coffee. She was excited because it was her birthday and her husband had given her not one card but two!  I looked at the cards, sharing her delight as best I could because I must have envied her. After I left I picked up the film and looked at the pictures, which had been taken several months before when we were on vacation.

One picture was nearly identical to one of the cards my friend had gotten from her husband. A woman running through sunset tinged surf, wearing a sweater over her bathing suit, waving to someone; the picture and the card were so close to being identical that I felt strange for a few minutes. But then I forgot about the event until another and then another perfectly timed event happened. A string of similar precisely timed events built up and only then a degree of curiosity gripped my attention enough to wonder how even one such event could happen in a lifetime.

It was not my real life of course, it was building a story from what was really happening, using this as material.  As I had to find out over a span of decades because, the psychological method is a mode of interpretation that Sigmund Freud is credited for writing down but I knew nothing about the psychologically sensed mode of interpretation. It was the same 'kind' of material that he must have  experienced and tried to understand.
I read a lot and many events happened so I became informed that this mode was for a period of time, the accepted mode of getting meaning. However I didn't know that either until I found out there are other names for personal interpretation, one is 'psychosis', 'delusional thinking'.

 It was only when I read some of Freud's writings that I realized that he'd experienced in his life a pattern that individualized his thought and his lifes' events and it was close to  Silvano Arieti's explanation of how the  creative mind works.   According to Theodore  Reik, who was devoted to Freud,   Freud only wrote down what milkmaids had always known. But that's not actually true as I've learned to understand my own mind and 'see' with that inner eye, how it works to create information that I didn't know, its more than acquiring  'wisdom': "Dr. Arieti argued there was a ''tertiary'' process in which primary and secondary were combined to bring about an accepted artistic representation." There may be a fourth process that links the literal mindset in a particular way to the  primary, secondary and tertiary process that can explain paranoia, which Gregory Bateson wrote, was 'like' knowledge.  

 "Time" has layers in which certain ideas were commonly accepted then were later rejected and replaced with 'new' ideas. The old ideas do not die easily, they are experienced as long as someone lives them, in my opinion, the past is still present.

 It's the 'eye of the soul' (probably) that I didn't know was either part of 'me' or it seems that way because the timing makes it 'seem' a foresight other than my own  had been preparing a future where foresight, not mine, had to be established.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The life of an other person, reviewed

"Accompanying the more profound occurrences of synchronicity (is) a dawning intuition, sometimes described as having the character of a spiritual awakening, that the individual herself or himself not only is embedded in a larger ground of meaning and purpose, but also in some sense (is) a focus of it." Richard Tarnas  Cosmos and Psyche

The above quotation is embedded in 492 pages + 50 pages of endnotes, etc, little bitty print, not many pictures in the book.

I've not written anything recently, partly because I have had a relative die, and because this relative was younger than I am, she was my grandmother's last child, its  affected me in ways I didn't expect. She was schizophrenic but not the typical example. Her house was full to overflow with 'things', all kinds of things, but these objects were stored carefully in plastic totes, nicely arranged and labeled. There were narrow passages, walkways through the rooms.

She lived in chaos but it was orderly and strangely well managed while she lived the life of a nearly destitute elderly female, seemingly without friends or family ties. She and I never got along after we were teens so my  contact with her began when we were middle aged and I had become aware that schizophrenia may be a form, a pattern that governs the processes of individuation which was C. G. Jung's idea/regeneration, Emanuel Swedenborg/the 4th way of Gurdjieff and Ouspenksy as well as the 'going postal' experience that she had experienced herself. That's different names for the same pattern, and I had been told I understood my own experience with the pattern. I had written to several authors one of whom was Wilson van Dusen before he died. He had verified my 'hunches' that a life review process does exist and how its experienced as 'coincidences' created by mechanisms of mind that alter thought, or create new thoughts. .

She actually worked for the post office. She felt stalked, she believed someone was entering her house when she left so she wouldn't leave it and she believed that every one that tried to help her was after her house, trying to take it away from her.

 She was paranoid. I had contact with her therapist who told me he'd verified her convictions himself,   so it seemed to me he was in a 'folie aux duex'  (participation mystique is another name for it) relationship with his patient. I've had personal experience with that condition, its very likely we all have that same experience but don't know it, but I had become aware of it in my life, then could see it in other's lives too. It seemed a good idea to be able to talk about this kind of 'bond' in relationships, especially in families.

When she fell and couldn't get up, it was fortunate she did have some non-family friends who  checked in and found her, so she was taken to a hospital then to a residence for recovery and evaluation of her home by Social Services to see if it was safe and had minimum requirements, water, heat, etc.

It didn't meet minimum requirements but surprisingly it was obvious that money that should have been spent on food, heat,  clothing, maintaining a house was spent on non-essentials such as  dolls, knitting yarns that were never used, certain kinds of books, and even cases of food that were never opened and were long past pull date.

Its difficult to change a person's mindset, but some changes in the mind seem to be  changes in the material world, I've experienced that several times myself. I'd tried to talk to this aunt but found it impossible for reasons that even psychiatrists  don't understand about paranoia and its relationship to the life of an individual in the last half of life. C. G. Jung wrote that the first half of life was preparation for the last half, which indicates some degree of foresight into the future of the individual mind and life.

If this aunt had not been a part of my life, that would have been a huge empty spot, if the goal of my own life was to experience this pattern and to recognize its more than a pattern, this is an idea that has life, and strength and continuity in Time, like a person trying to convey its message, to the human race. I've written  most of this in prior posts, I'm very repetitive but its an old idea, I  recognize it here, Jesus said it all:

 49 “I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish it were already burning! 50 I have a terrible baptism of suffering ahead of me, and I am under a heavy burden until it is accomplished. 51 Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! 52 From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.

 53 ‘Father will be divided against son
      and son against father;
   mother against daughter
      and daughter against mother;
   and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law
      and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’

 54 Then Jesus turned to the crowd and said, “When you see clouds beginning to form in the west, you say, ‘Here comes a shower.’ And you are right. 55 When the south wind blows, you say, ‘Today will be a scorcher.’ And it is. 56 You fools! You know how to interpret the weather signs of the earth and sky, but you don’t know how to interpret the present times.

 57 “Why can’t you decide for yourselves what is right? 58 When you are on the way to court with your accuser, try to settle the matter before you get there. Otherwise, your accuser may drag you before the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, who will throw you into prison. 59 And if that happens, you won’t be free again until you have paid the very last penny.[f]

The Internet didn't exist in 1980 when Mt. St. Helens erupted 60 miles away from my home. I wasn't feeling like my normal self but I'd been in an accident and had a complete hysterectomy so for a time those causes explained the changes in my body and a few changes in my thought. I was noticing  certain habits I had and wondered about why I noticed them now. Why had I always doodled piles of figure 8's ? Why did I add numbers across automatically, seeing the sum instantly, ignoring 9's 'because they don't change anything or are just place holders? 9548123 = 5 is an example; 9, 54,81 are 9's the remaining 2 + 3 = 5.  I knew where the rule originated: an impulse created a thought when I was 9 years old, 'add the double numbers across' when I struggle to memorize the times tables.

It was no person that told me to make my first moebius band also when I was about 9 years old;  it was the same impulse. That impulse is embedded somewhere in my mind/brain/body, It has eyes through mine.

It would never have occurred to me to believe the eruption of a mountain blowing her dusty inner contents out to  cover the area that was in her wind path corresponded with an emerging eruption of inner contents in myself,  people I knew then and what we were doing physically.

In 1983 I had neurological tests done at Harborview Hospital, it was an all day process. When the tests was evaluated I found out my handedness had changed from right to left. I could also write back-wards, mirror image as easily with my left hand as I had written forwards with my right hand. I had never read or heard about 'right brain/left brain' ideas and my experiences now seem to have not been caused by known causes, no accident caused the changes. It was not the result of a hysterectomy. The  timing of events began to get my attention and it was obvious that a kind of synchronization between 'thought' and other inner  content and what was happening outside of my body was precisely aligned to form the 'movie like plot' that  C.G. Jung wrote was the individual life, individuated.