Synchronicity: An explanation of how 'meaningful coincidences' can be a communication to an individual.

How Ouspenskys' writing about ‘Re-currence’ and Emanuel Swedenborgs' short doctrine of ‘Remains’ relate to a process of individual life personalization that is presently diagnosed as various kinds of pathological thinking and behaviors.

 An event happened in 1984 in which time  two advanced and challenge square dance clubs were trying to introduce higher levels to the reluctant mainstream dancers. All gender roles are removed at higher levels.  I was unaware of Jung or his ideas and knew nothing about philosophy  or ….anything psychological, history or philosophy..

Many authors begin a book by telling about an event that happened when the author was very young that became a lifelong influence. This document is about my experience with that Influence, which is an intelligence, and how I became aware of Its attempt to make Its self distinct. The use of an impersonal pronoun, ‘it’, in one memory of an event that happened when I was about 9 years old, set in motion an idea that is in my opinion embedded in my body, I am that idea materially.

P.D. Ouspensky in  his wonderful book,  A New Model of  the Universe wrote  in  the first paragraph of the  Introduction:

“There exist moments in life, separated by long intervals of time, but linked together by their inner content and by a certain singular sensation peculiar to them. Several such moments always recur to my mind together and I feel then that it is these that have determined the chief trend of my life.”

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C. G. Jung described a few incidents that happened when he was less than 10 years old that in my opinion were his ‘remains’,  installed early in life for the processes of life long experiences of individuation/regeneration/Fourth Way (Ouspensky/Gurdjieff and authors they influenced, i.e. Rodney Collin, Maurice Nicoll, etc.).

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Emanuel Swedenborg’s Doctrine of Remains was written in the language of his time:

 “The Doctrine of Remains” from Emanuel Swedenborg

“Remains” are not only the goods and truths that a man has learned from the Lord’s Word from infancy and has thus impressed on his memory, but they are also all the states thence derived such as states of innocence from infancy…..…These states together with the goods and truths impressed on the memory are called remains, which are preserved in man by the Lord and are stored up entirely without his knowledge, in his internal man. …That there are remains and that they are stored up in a man in his interior rational is wholly unknown to man; and this is because he supposes that nothing flows in, but that everything is natural to him and born with him, thus that it is all in him when an infant, when yet the real case is altogether different. Remains are treated of in many parts of the Word and by them are signified those states by which man becomes a man and this from the Lord alone.”

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Isaac Newton wrote that if a future event is described hundreds or thousands of years before it occurs, the event when it happens will be evidence that proves the existence of Divine Providence and not human foresight.  He was writing about the messiah who was expected to come to be the king of the Jewish people. Isaac Newton had an experience that gave him an idea, it has been recorded that it happened when he saw an apple fall.  When Jesus was born he was not the kind of king that was expected but C. G. Jung wrote that he believed a pattern was installed in the mind of men. He was correct, the pattern has become well known, but not as a natural process of life that establishes relationship with the Intelligence that I became aware of in real life experiences.  I noticed the pattern when I was less than a teenager. It was always a man that began to proselytize that ‘the end is near’ but he knew the way to be saved.

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 “Is there some way the past can communicate with the future?” Winston asked in Orwell’s 1984.

The past may not really exist.  The future may not really exist except as an idea that is useful and necessary to the human being in a body.  How can events that seem to have happened in the past prove we, or some other Intelligence does have apparent foresight into the future?

By describing what the individual is doing ‘now’ and naming in some personal code, that individual.

 

 I’ve had several ‘mindquakes’, huge masses of information that used my history, my marital bond, and real world events to produce valid proof that every moment of my physical and mental past can be retrieved and assembled as a kind of thought content that related to my physical location at any moment. 

 

An event happened in 2000 when I attended the 50^th alumni gathering of my class in 1950 that I could not have created or foreseen. I can’t doubt such proof that foresight other than my own drives individuals and the lives of the human race.

I experienced events when I was less than 10 years old that were clearly intended to have meaning in the future.  I  believe Swedenborgs’ Doctrine of Remains and Ouspensky’s ‘re-occurring memories’ are applicable  to those events.

My first memory and my first thought occurred when I was a few months past my second birthday. It was a vivid snapshot of what I was looking at, a thought that occurred in my mind and how I felt.  “I am in a cold place.” I had awareness of where I was. The memory re-occurred into my mind after I was in my twenties as best I can remember until I wondered to myself why that memory of a moment in my life, complete in every detail was regenerated in my mind for no reason I could see. There were a few similar memories, each different in content but I didn’t notice them until I was in my twenties and later, as best I can date awareness and curiosity about them.

In an opposite way an event that happened when I was 13 years old vanished from memory until 1984 when it was retrieved, complete in every detail just as I had experienced it:  what I felt and a thought that occurred into my mind.  I had not thought about that event even once although it was extremely unusual and different from anything I experienced until 1984. I had ridden my bicycle to my favorite field.  I was laying in the grass enjoying the hot summer sun when suddenly the sky above looked like blue bowl and I felt smaller than a speck of dust, on a huge ball hanging in space, surrounded by so much space that it hurt ‘in the pit of my stomach’. A thought occurred into my mind:  “All humans think, thought is the common denominator of humans. Thought must do something and we must be ‘in something’ or ‘on something.” The memory was about ‘thought’ and I had not mentioned the event because I didn’t remember it until it was retrieved.

Another event happened when I was about 9 years old that introduced the words  and the idea: “when it came it did not come as it was expected to come.” The words  came into my mind after  my Sunday school teacher told her version of the Christmas story. She explained why Mary and Joseph were in Bethlehem and why the expected messiah was born in the lowest of all places, adding that ‘when it came it did not come as it was expected to come, it came in the lowest of all places.” I noticed the use of an impersonal word, ‘it’ which seemed inappropriate rather than the masculine ‘he’. A thought occurred in my mind:  “The Messiah was not an ‘it’, she should have said ‘he’, not ‘it’.” and that became part of the event. The words my teacher had said and the additional thought that occurred spontaneously apparently from me, a self-generated thought became  a unit in the re-generated event. I didn’t wonder about their retrieval in my mind until decades later.

The memory of that event was one of a few similar events that happened when I was less than 10 years old, that re-occurred in my mind until I became curious enough to wonder to myself, why does that moment in my past  regenerate in my mind exactly as it happened?  As time passed and I lived my life, the inappropriate pronoun, ‘it’ related to other events although I didn’t see a connection between them. A long string of different events that I’ll describe more fully were in my future. That event linked to future events and others scheduled to happen later in my life. Other important events vanished from memory after they happened but obviously they were stored in memory because they were retrieved in minute detail complete with my feeling content later in my life.

I’ve experienced what I’m writing about, during a span of decades from my first memory to the present time.  I’m going to be 84 in a few weeks.

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 “I AM” is an idea that I didn’t know about until one day in 1981 we were in Roseville, California.  I walked through the rows of vendors, not feeling very well when I turned back to a box of books on the asphalt. I felt myself lean down to pick up a small tan booklet, imitation suede that was so old there was no printing on the spine or the cover.  I looked inside and read the book was the 10^th printing in 1895 by the Sun Printing Company, there was no author’s name. I paid the quarter and put the booklet in my pocket. Later I opened it, and read the first lines, then quickly put it back in my pocket because I felt a real shock when I read the words:  “To you who reads, I AM come.  To you who reads, I AM speaking.”

I had never read such words or such ideas as I read in that book which told me that I was an idea, that I was to make manifest. The word ‘manifest’ was familiar to me as a paper document related to shipping; other definitions did not come to my mind for a few years. I watched my minds content which became very different as the idea that had been developing in my life, embedded in normal, to me  it was material of normal life involving other people, who acted and spoke as though my story was shared by them, some authors who lived hundreds of years before the book 1984 was written.  

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This essay is primarily about Emanuel Swedenborg’s short Doctrine of remains’ and my experience with memories of events that happened only once, early in my life, but the memory of the event flashed into my mind later in life, so persistently that I noticed them and eventually became curious about them. They were what Emanuel Swedenborg described as remains.  These ‘remains’ are established, he wrote, to be used by the ‘angels’ that are with a person in the process of regeneration. Because these few memories of events that happened when I was less than 10 years old re-occurred  when I was in my late 20’s and 30s that implies foresight and purposeful intentions…not mine.

I didn’t ‘think’ all of the ‘thoughts’ that occurred into my mind in the past but that fact did not become evident until I was in my 60’s. That was an idea that would never have occurred to me, it was shown to me. I had to discover that fact as well as learn how this information was created and conveyed to me. The phenomenon that F. David Peat wrote about as an interactive force, had other names in the past but he was correct that it is an interactive force that created a conversation in an unexpected voice talking to me through the ordinary events in our lives. Many other individuals were used to create the voice and its contents.  They seemed to speak to a level of my thought and say things that matched that content exactly!

Carl G. Jung wrote that the first half of life is preparation for the last half of life. That implies there is foresight in our lives.   A few events happened in his life when he was young that I believe were installed for later use, they were his ‘remains’. He was very young when the incident happened in which he saw the giant turd falling onto the church at Basel.  He saw a thought before he could think it, he stopped it for some days, then he permitted it to emerge.  (Was that the birth of  ‘Holy Shit?’)   He was very young when he experienced the incident where he saw a giant phallus on a throne and heard a female voice (his mother’s voice) speak: “That is the man eater.”  These are a few examples of his early life experiences that can reasonably be regarded to be ‘remains’. He wrote about a few ‘coincidences’ but that word never occurred to me until I had read many books that affected me in my body, for  no reason I could see, one of which contained  Swedenborg’s term, ‘double thought’.

Swedenborg had written about a process of re-generation which I had experienced as a kind of life review that began when I was in my early fifties,   I am 85 now. Its only with hindsight that I can describe how I became aware of a Purpose at work.

There were changes in my mind, my body and my thought in real world experiences and situations that related to early life memories eventually as I lived and worked at Boeing after 1985.  The ‘data base’ of my specific life was used in an internal process that takes place in the external world life of the individual  as preparation for life after death according to Swedenborg.  I don’t know if that is a truth yet.

 It’s been written about in different ideas about human activities and processes that can be experienced as spirituality. Many individuals describe being controlled and moved by a mechanical controlling ‘other’.  Many individuals experience this ‘other’ in various relationships in their external life without suspecting the real origin is not ‘terrestrial’.   It may be in preparation for life after life in a body and perhaps life before birth.  The individual may be selecting ones’ real home after death, if Swedenborg was correct about a life after life in a body. It is a retrieval of memories from the individual past in a subtle form of non-verbalized, non-articulable thought that creates a life examination, a real life re-view, literally.  Swedenborg described this as ‘influx’. I experienced it as words that were not articulable because the location was obviously very deep in my mind, galaxies of inner space from speech. I wrote to Wilson van Dusen to verify that this ‘pre-thought’ content is like a fragrance of words at first sight. He responded that I was correct although he seemed unimpressed that I had discovered what I knew and suspected, he said everyone should know ‘this stuff’.

I had to discover that deep location when an impulse caused me to try to capture one word and hold it in memory long enough to write it down. It was a task imposed on me as a compulsion; it was a process that did not seem to be my decision. (Norman O. Brown wrote that emotions become conscious by becoming attached to words.  I believe the result of that meeting of the content of one’s emotions with words, circumstances and specific content in the exterior world is where ‘meaningful coincidences’ are created. )

The word ‘regeneration’ literally means to retrieve something, to replay that something, to re-view, to literally re-produce that something. This is what David Bohm wrote was necessary to do when he wrote Wholeness and the Implicate Order: “lift events and ideas out of their normal contexts and see them and interpret them as though for the first time”. That is not a simple task.

Memories are a retrieval and a replay of content from the past.  In the re-play of a few re-occurring memories as I experienced them, I was shown in my life, and was actually told by someone who had obviously noticed in his own mind that a function and a mechanism of mind was at work in my mind. “Your mind is playing tricks on you.”, was what he said one day. (We had a mental bond that I didn’t suspect although I heard myself describe it one day using my limited knowledge and vocabulary in a psychiatric session.) This person had experienced this ‘trick’ mechanism that may be a switch, a ‘me’ or ‘not me’ switch created in my mind,  a replay of content that created a ‘second underlying context’ automatically and instantly usually.

I  didn’t decode these incidents, the new meaning and context was a real ‘reflection’ of the original content.  Wilson van Dusen helped me to understand this mechanism and what it accomplishes when I wrote to him in 1993. The function selected those events from my past, used  that material, literally re-used it to create a personal  new context, new meaning and eventually it formed a completely new understanding of that string of events. It created a conversation literally from that abstracted material, a steady flow of event in Time carries this conversation through the human life.

An excellent word to use to describe that abstracted content is ‘echo’, although the reflected content was batched, into a unit;  it occurred in a super-flash of time and  in the reflection this effect was not easy to see. It happens so rapidly it was almost impossible to identify because the retrieved content is batched; there is no space between the words, the content is compressed into a single unit in ordinary time. P. D. Ouspensky described how he experienced some mental states in which the space between words was so vast that he couldn’t remember the previous word. Also for a span af about 9 years,  I experienced the batched content was turned around towards me and is directed towards the person as though another person spoke the content. Wilson van Dusens’ books, The Presence of Other Worlds and The Natural Depths of Man had given me helpful information before I read anything Swedenborg had written. Discovering an event that happened in my own mind was a task that seems to me to have been already well planned when I was born in1932.

I couldn’t describe what I had experienced in 1984, but I was driven to do that. (Later I read the  story in Genesis about Adam having to name what was brought before him . I  felt this might be a reference to the compulsion that drove me to “name everything, describe what you see.”)  I  had to discover that event as though it happened in different galaxy, remote from the moment it had happened, in an area in my unexplored thought world. I became aware of vast distances and different levels in my mind that produced content, not dreams but other thought and effects that alter everything. The distance was marked by a kind of visibility of inner content but no ability to speak it, write it down.

One day I remember reading about a musician that heard the entire piece he was going to play as a single unit of ‘round sound’, a gestalt when he prepared for a concert. That was a clew in a book I would normally not choose to read.  

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 Early in the 1980’s I had a very great change in my mind and I was trying to understand and describe what had changed in my mind  because I had a strong impulse, to ‘write about your life, describe what you see’.  I had no words to use, but eventually I recognized they seemed to come to me as though they knew where I was.  I didn’t know the words I needed so they came in books I chanced to notice and surprisingly through people I knew and met at work or in other situations.

That idea of a ‘gestalt’  gave me a clew about what had happened in my mind in 1984. I named it a mind-quake when I had the second and third events in 1989 and only then I had to recognize the real source of my experiences was not my family or people we knew or anything visible in itself on this planet. Evidence that points to this invisible intelligence come to me through many things I did but had not decided to do myself. I lost personal volition and became an observer of my own body and its inner content. A drama began to emerge while two small groups of individuals tried to introduce challenge level square dancing to the reluctant mainstream dancers in clubs we belonged to.

I felt a powerful motor that drove me to describe what I saw in my own mind and in my life.  It began in one relationship with a real person that I felt a need to get to know, he was a stranger so I didn’t understand such a strong need because it was not a  romantic interest.  I was puzzled about why I began to feel a deep sense of grief that was excruciatingly painful in my body about something I saw in that one man’s relationships to the people in his life at that point in time. (This strange attraction caused me to lose control of my body but I observed and listened to this body as though I was both actor and audience beginning in 1984 to the present time. I’ve had 3 major mindquakes after 1989.)

Something new was beginning to be taught by this man and another man, the operated their own square dance groups. They were both introducing a new level of  square-dancing above the mainstream level. That situation was an essential circumstance; it was a perfect setting for the event that happened in 1984.

I’ll give  examples because events  happened to me many times before I realized for certain what a mechanism in my mind was doing with words I heard  only one specific person say, the one square dance caller whom I felt I needed to know. I don’t remember the exact date when one evening he suddenly seemed to know andrespond to what I was thinking about, wondering about but had never said anything to anyone about!  I had to learn slowly and painfully from therapists I went to, that this kind of event where I heard a person or an object use words that seemed to be a response to my unspoken thought and inner content, is a commonly experienced symptom known as ‘thought broadcasting’.

I believe the sense of being ‘talked to’ by an other, a real other is the activity of a pattern.

My mind had a mechanism at work:  reflecting the content back to me so that I heard it the way I had normally heard people, not objects that use words such as books, radios, television, movies, just people, real people. That was a confusing kind of event, to begin to hear objects that use words the same way I’d heard people.

As time passed and I began to become familiar with the accumulation of new content, a new understanding emerged.  It was created from a real echo of content but a new personal context and meaning emerged automatically in the ‘reflected content’. New information was created re-using old information…  I will describe as best I can the slow process at work, it built an understanding that was new to me, paralleling my normal understanding. This new understanding was confusing to me because both seemed plausible.

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My first thought occurred when I was not yet 2 and a half: “I am in a cold place.” The memory of that thought, what I was looking at, what I was hearing and feeling re-occurred into my mind for no reason I could see until I noticed it and became somewhat  curious about the retrieval and replay of  that event into my mind. I was in my second and third decade when I wondered to myself about this repetition of one moment in my toddlerhood. What I saw and what I felt was the retrieved memory. It was a vivid photograph of what I was looking at, a light bulb hanging above me, but it included the thought, “I am in a cold place.”, the wind blowing outside, but also and this is the strange fact, knowledge of where I was:  laying on a bed where my new baby sister  was laying, and we were in an old garage that had been converted into living quarters in 1934.  My parents rented this garage and in 1989 I found it the day before it was to be destroyed. I talked to the woman who had rented it to my parents when she was very aged but she remembered my parents and many other people that I’d forgotten.

This was only one of my reoccurring memories, each was different in content that emerged into my mind. I was in my 60’s when I first realized these memories  marked the depths of a level in my mind into which I saw and from which I ‘heard’ mental content. This was proof that what I thought, what I felt, and what I saw in the physical world had been recorded in some great data base for later use and evidence that my physical body could be located precisely and accurately. That idea evolved very slowly.

Many authors, Douglas Hofstadter is one modern example, began their book with an example of a memory of an incident that happened when they were very young that was important to his future. Carl G. Jung wrote  (in MDR) that at the age of 6 through his 11^th year he was intensely focused on the desire to solve the mystery of the human personality. He experienced a few incidents during that span of time that were significant only later in his life.

Emanuel Swedenborg wrote that from the age of 4 through his 10th year he was intensely focused on religious matters.

C. G. Jung described a few incidents in his Memories, Dreams, Reflections that happened when he was less than 11 years old, i.e., the thought that he didn’t want to think, that he finally allowed to emerge when he had the vision of the giant turd falling from the sky onto the Church of Basel; and the vision of a giant phallus and his mothers’ voice. 

I believe the above paragraphs refer to a few memories of especially significant events that happened when I was young, up to the age of about 13 years old although most of them happened when I was 9 years old.  Some were photographs of the moment, complete in every detail:  how I felt, what I thought and in a few events, comments on what I was looking at, very brief words such as ‘common denominator’ which was one of the re-occurring memories. One was the memory of a movie serial I saw when I was very young, the words of the title and the plot of the serial occurred as a unit, ‘missing link’. This was the name of an old movie serial.  The Missing Link in which a female scientist was looking for the link between man and ape in a jungle setting.  

The Ouspensky quotation is from the introduction to a book I’d read before  I chanced to re-read it, only then pausing to wonder what the author was trying to define. But this time I saw that my attention was drawn to this paragraph at a point when it could mean something.  I had become aware of certain inner content in my mind that I didn’t produce myself. I had begun to recognize that my mind was working independently of my conscious self and it was methodically using memories from my past to communicate with me.

The method was difficult to recognize because I had never experienced or thought about my mind and inner content, in fact my head had been empty until about 1982. That changed after a dream that was unlike any I’d ever had; my head was ‘thought full’ afterwards. I had by then noticed the re-played memories and become curious about them.

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I had neurological tests done in 1984 because I knew something was wrong.

I had believed I had a head injury and I’d been told I had severe post menopausal syndrome but as I found out later Swedenborg had written long ago: “Only effects, not causes are perceived on this planet. And he wrote that every thing is tremulations. And ‘fire’ is little mathematical points.” Quantum physics ‘says’ the same thing. When the results of the test were given to me, I was told my handedness had reversed, from right handed to left handed. I had never heard or read anything about right brain or left brain functioning and did not know about it until several years later.

Everything was different by then, my body felt different, a subtle change altered every thing out side of my body and also what I thought, saw, heard and understood in my mind. I looked carefully to see what was changed but couldn’t see anything different.

Eventually something I read in a book and a situation that evolved in the physical world caused me to be certain the change was in my own head. , it actually happened in a square dance setting in which many other individuals were intensely involved. Emotions were strong in this situation. 

The situation in square dancing developed when two small groups of individuals were introducing advanced and challenge levels to the mainstream dancers. Only a few of we mainstream dancers were struggling to learn the higher level, which removed all gender roles from the dance. This seemingly simple change outraged the mainstream dancers and callers.

At the higher level it was also necessary to learn ‘concept calls’, one of which required learning to dance with phantoms, people who were imagined, they were not real dancers. I was anguished because I was unable to track these phantom dancers, but I didn’t know it had never occurred to me to notice even the formations used in the dance! When the caller chanted: “In your phantom set up” every dancer had to notice their location in a formation then add the number of phantoms that the particular call required and interact with them as though they were real. I stood rooted in place and felt I caused the dance to fall into chaos.

At some point I read a reference to a book, A New Era of Thought by Charles Hinton in Petr D. Ouspenskys’ A New Model of the Universe and I found a copy somewhat easily which was odd because that was before the Internet. Book searches were time consuming and often didn’t result in getting the book. It had a diagram of an experiment that Hinton had designed to ‘subtract himself from what he saw’ outside of his body.

I had already noticed a thought grow in my mind, that I should ‘subtract my self from what I saw’. Let me repeat this very important fact: I had already noticed a thought grow from faintly sensed words to real words in my mind, that I should ‘subtract my self from what I saw.”  This was a new idea to me.

His diagram was a matrix arrangement of cubes similar to the Rubik cube but much larger and each edge joined to a different color. The experiment required him to visualize what colors were joined when he inserted his perception into any location.

It doesn’t seem accidental that I found the book with the diagram in the back, because this precise timing has happened so many times.  An example is that I had read Contact by Carl Sagan at least twice without noticing the several mentions of pi in it.  There are no mentions of pi in the movie. A kind of blind spot that’s not under my authority seems to open up at just the right point in Time, so that I ‘see’ what could have been seen before. Sometimes I wondered why I notice ‘this’ which has come to my attention only now.

Mixed signals are at least somewhat visible in one’s mind/body/activities. If there are mixed signals there are signals.

In my past, a person I knew very intimately in a long term relationship had mentioned to me one day when I tried to talk to him about a problem we were having, that my mind was playing tricks on me. I didn’t know what he meant until much later. It became obvious that he had noticed the same mechanism in his own mind. However  as time passed, he forgot much that he said to me. I remembered things he’d said and done in the past that were important to me, in the future.

The first time I noticed an event that was created by that mechanism was when he had been whistling over and over the music to a popular commercial. I asked if he was trying to annoy me but he was honestly bothered by it himself because he said: “I wish it would go away but it just won’t go away and stay away.” The jingle was “What will you do with all the money you save?” I had never in my life, even once formed a relationship between a commercial and something relating to what was happening at the moment, in my life, but this time I heard the words as though they were being said to me. They were clearly about the problem we were having, about money.

One memory was a vivid complete re-play of how I felt as well as what I was doing at a certain time in my life. I was in school, trying to copy the perfect examples of letters and numbers in the tablet we used and I couldn’t make a row of nice letters or numbers. I felt anguished, and was trying so hard, scrunched over the paper: “I can’t do it. I can’t write like other people!” The thought, the anguish in my body, the sense of trying so hard to make perfect letters and numbers was retrieved, complete in every way;  a regeneration of the original event. I relived the moment. .

Most of the original events happened when I was less than 10 years old. A few happened when I was in my twenties.  A few important future oriented events happened only once but I had no memory of that event until it was retrieved much later in life. The important event happened when I was 13 and I forgot it, never thought about it! That event in particular was retrieved in 1984, the event that had happened when I was about 13 years old and felt isolated in my body on the Earth.  It did not re-occur later into my mind but it should have. I forgot it had happened until it was retrieved in 1984 as a preface to my first mind-quake. The memory was complete in every detail, even a thought that had occurred into my mind.

But this fact is where I’ve had a lot of personal anguish: My first mindquake was the result of living with a person who had already had an inner event happen to him. He described it as ‘sitting under the apple tree with his maker’. As time passed and we lived our life as a family, his attitude towards that event changed from being extremely important to being of no importance, not worth talking about when I realized his experiences were the same pattern I was trying to describe.

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Deep levels of mind were made evident because I’ve had to travel great mental distances since 1984 in my own mind. There is space between thought producing levels and hearing my own speech; seeing my own body do things and say things that I could in a peculiar way ‘see/hear/understand’ but not relate to until much later. “Now” is not a fixed point in different levels that are not connected.

I began to hear myself say things I’d never thought about but these incidents were sprinkled into my every day life, until after 1984. After 1984 this kind of hearing was my new normal.

What can make a certain event memorable, different from other events? If that event re-occurs in memory often enough over a span of years, that is enough to arouse curiosity about its re-occurrence.

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In 1989 I located the one car garage where my first memory was photographed into my memory bank.  My husband and I talked to the woman that had rented the garage to my parents at that time. The garage was overgrown with weeds and when I asked if I could have the carved panels from the door she laughed: “Take the whole garage if you want it because it’s going to be bulldozed down tomorrow.”

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 It has been my experience that a life review was created in fragments, by retrieving certain memories when the content was similar in some way to what I was doing in my life at that moment as I lived in the material world.

What I was doing was at times described in this way as though a person was telling me it could see me and knew the most intimate content of my mind.

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 I read the short Doctrine of Remains that  Swedenborg wrote sometime in the 1990’s but by then I’d read a lot of his writings and had recognized other authors who may have experienced ‘remains’ themselves, but who had no knowledge of Swedenborg or his interpretations of the stories in the bible.  When I read certain books, I began to understand what my mind was somehow purposefully doing, working to tell me something. I felt a response in my body when I read that Douglas Hofstadter began his Pulitzer Prize winning book with a story about how he became fascinated by ‘three-ness’ when he was barely beyond a toddler.

Different  names and  concepts are used in psychiatric definitions for many ideas about the mind; about thought that is not self-generated;  I had to notice and become curious about  ‘influx’ that is not yet words that can ‘fall’ into speech; about different levels of understanding in the mind that Emanuel Swedenborg described literally, and accurately in his time. One such word is ‘regeneration’, used in a very broad context. His language was of his time. Psychiatry and psychology in modern time uses another language that considers but does not eliminate the personal, the ‘subjective’, the irrational. However he accurately described a process of regeneration, a preparation for life after death although I’ve experienced this process in life, in every day circumstances and I don’t believe I’m unusual.

 I watched a movie last night, in which one of his ideas, i.e., the plot was the ordeal of an individual confronting the authority of the ‘powers that be’ as it affects the female (and a helper male) on the path of discovering one’s true self: it was a book in a  currently popular series for young adults by Veronica Roth: Divergence!

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I’ve had several ‘mindquakes’, the first one happened in 1984. I will describe it later but it was ‘like’ an earthquake in many attributes. It exposed two fault lines, neither off which had any relationship to my real life, they were the lives of Eve and Greek goddesses, written about but not as real  history. I had two large ones in 1989, a few months apart, as well as smaller events between 1984 and 1989. Overall after 1989 they  informed me in a specific form that I had learned to understand and get new to me  information from unwilled activities in my own mind; information that I had not known although most that was new to me  was well known and written about in books I’d not yet read.  (I lost all volition and felt driven n a way I couldn't control.) ((I also saw everything differently than normal for me, and my hearing seemed to be turned up in volume at times, such as happened in this story.))

That’s a big problem, almost unimaginably  important because of what a person ‘understands’, using the word ‘understanding’ in Swedenborg’s contexts. A few of my  remains are impulse generated events that happened in my life when I was less than 10 years old. I had developed habits from the impulse, that were as natural as breathing by the time I chanced to notice Petr Beckmann’s book, The History of Pi in 1989 when I passed through the  library and decided to read it. The pi symbol  was used by my employer, the Boeing Corporation.

Many important people had been dead hundreds of years before I was born when I read their ideas with a new eye and ear when I was in my 5^th and  6^th decade.

“Behold, I make all things new.” There are methods of interpretation that I didn’t know about when a hidden world began to function in the situations and locations where I and other individuals lived in the late 1970’s.

 Let me give an example of what I mean: Almost 20 years ago I was looking at a flower, a white peony that had streaks of magenta in its creamy ivory center. I leaned down to smell it but my body leaped backwards suddenly and I was afraid. But of what? I thought for a moment then I saw something move on the flower. It crept up from the underside: a spider with creamy ivory legs, a pure white pearl shaped body that had magenta parenthesis shaped markings on its back. It was exactly the colors of the flower.  I had not seen it myself, but obviously a part of me had seen it and re-acted instantly.

 A thought emerged into my mind: “It was invisible until it moved, because it was embedded within something that is its own color.” The words generated by that event affected me in a slightly different way than ‘normal’ thought. They remained in my mind and were used later in a different context. I had to recognize the words were about different content producing levels in the mind and that content is  inserted, it’s received from an other.

 It is one kind of influx, embedded in my thought  but it’s from another intelligence. It was invisible because it was embedded but it began to move early in the 1980s. I named it the Larger Domain sometime in 1988.  It is experienced as ones’ own ‘thought’ because  that content is embedded in its own ‘kind’. The words were re-used in a different context than a spider embedded on a flower that was the same color. This was one of  several similar incidents that happened to make me aware of one important fact: I don’t create all of my inner content.

 One other relevant event was a sentence embedded in  Carl Sagans’  book, Contact: Ellen Arroway has just been told the signal that’s been picked up is not ‘local’, it may be extra terrestrials sending it:  “In her mind she thought she heard one joyous shout amidst a clamor of other voices.” I had a feeling close to being a shock. There are several similar incidents on this ‘string’ that fed me the idea that was and is embedded in my  mind,  it’s the only one I know really, there is embedded one thought producing  level that ‘speaks’ its content in a variety of ways. I don’t dream the kind of dreams or visions that many people seem to have so this is different than trying to get meaning from dreams.   

Subtle differences about thought have been described by Wilson van Dusen in his Presence of Other Worlds, and The Natural Depths of Man. I wrote to him in 1993 to ask him several questions about  what Swedenborg meant when he wrote about ‘thought that is not yet real words’, thought that is near speech that can fall into words’,  about  influx’; some  symptoms of certain mental disorders that have been named as mental illness symptoms;  and Carl Jungs’ ideas about meaningful coincidences. His reply validated my hunches. I have the letter in which he confirmed the mechanism I’d noticed can create ‘self reference’ among other effects. This function almost certainly creates many problems to individuals who don’t notice their inner content and changes in life that occur  or should occur naturally.  I believe it creates self observation and new information and much more.

I’ve discovered since then that most of my life, and particularly after 1984, I experienced thought that I could ‘see’ but not relate to immediately. Memories of those events were retrieved later and only then did I wonder about why I’d said and done what I’d observed my body do and say.  That was a fact until about 1988. By then I’d experienced a steady flow of confusing new to me inner content, but I’d become aware that events that had happened early in my life were being ‘used’ as reference points.

The fact that nobody knows but me and the other is that these few memories re-occurred into my mind, their individual re-occurrences marked them.

Overall, I experienced a kind of voice telling me what I was doing, It was created by a mechanism that probably explains paranoia, which I believe is the reverse of metanoia moving in mental space on a  moebius-like continuum that operates in my mind. There’s a point on the simplest moebius band where direction changes into its opposite. The upside becomes the downside, the back becomes the front. I made my first moebius band when I was 9 years old after reading a  definition in a dictionary. The impulse caused me to make a moebius band. I wondered what could be the use of such a thing then the impulse to cut the band around its center , once then again caused me to discover its hidden secret: two bands were joined by a knot but were separate because the knot could not be undone. It represented the diabolical situation where one thing can seem to be two different things, the thing turned against itself, much like our immune system which in many diseases doesn’t recognize its ‘ self’.

 It also represented Swedenborg’s concept of the goods of truth and the falsities of evil. Quantum physics at the quark level involves the lattice of moebius bands to explain the confinement of quarks, which sum to 0, 1 and in some interactions, 2.

Symptoms that I didn’t know were commonly experienced by others happened to me and those symptoms created the voice effect.   These symptoms are basically regarded as pathological thinking and  of mental illnesses.

My intent is to form a connection to those symptoms and ‘re-generation’ not only as a process of life but  to a mechanism in the mind that literally ‘echoes back certain content’, automatically creating a new context for the  reflected content. This is artificial intelligence but not the kind Alan Turing developed.  The content was a ‘re-use’ of what I had thought or was seeing, reading and hearing. This thought is a reflection in a literal sense.

It has created a real life re-view, limited somewhat of course to what I  can understand but  it’s not like the NDE’s that are reported now.  I read about theosophy, went to AA meetings, went to investigations into Near Death Events, and worked at Boeing where the biggest change in building airplanes was just beginning when I was transferred to Final Assembly. The New Generation 737X body had a single tube shaped body, not the two sections that had previously formed the 737.

This mechanism can create a life review and create real new information in one specific persons’ mind.  That implies that persons’ location and activities are known. 

I believe the idea of ‘karma’, can be explained in a different way by this process and its mechanisms that create moments of “I’ve been here before, I’ve done this before.” i.e,  déjà vu and ‘meaningful coincidences’, different names for the same kind of event. The inner content meets its exact content somewhere in the exterior world, the inner is already there, waiting, a sense of already knowing was felt so often I almost lost  my bearings. The sense of seeing a life review, of being shown the content of my past was in the background, behind the steady flow of what seemed to emerge spontaneously without my will or intents. I had to notice that attribute of the flow of events.

I’m writing about a different kind of event, one that arises spontaneously from real world activities. It’s been described as an ‘interactive force’ at work by F. David Peat and it was his book that introduced the word ‘synchronicity’ to me, only  after  I had  become aware that certain symptoms of mental disorders are or can be the result of experiencing individuation/regeneration events. Mr. Peat did not connect his ideas to or mention an individuation process.

I knew almost nothing about C. G. Jung when I read Peat’s book; especially his idea about the ‘shadow’ as he interpreted it. I’ve had experiences in my life in which the ‘shadow’ was attached to  a very different idea. And it was important that I’d no knowledge of Jung’s ideas because the ‘shadow’ as I understand it now is related to an old comic book character, a radio show and then a movie:

 “Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of mean? The Shadow knows. The Shadow has the power to blind men’s mind so they cannot see him.”

“Cast a shadow..”  I had  begun to be an an avid challenge level square dancer when one caller, and only one from many that I knew, chanted the name of a square dance movement named ‘cast a shadow’.  He was the man I felt such a strong need to get to know; he was the man in the dream which initiated the never ending stream of thought about the dream. One evening I noticed a quiet voiced thought occurred, it repeated those words after he chanted them. Then  afterwards this happened every time this caller chanted those words. Eventually I became curious about my re-hearing of those few words. I’m certain I didn’t notice the quiet thought words spoken in my mind the first time they occurred. This was a highly selective mechanism, a detail that took some few years to be certain was happening.

It was not easy to discover that my inner content was not my own productions but is a kind of output from another source, input to me. Information is revealed and conveyed to me, sometimes literally. Other times by retrieving memories from my past that in some way related to what I was doing and thinking at that moment. I had to discover that relationship.

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I noticed a continual link to the life of Theodore Reik and his books as time passed. It lead me to his Fragment of a Great Confession eventually. In that book he described an event similar to what I’d experienced, a ‘double thought’ that he recognized and described. That’s a term Emanuel Swedenborg used in his writings.

I’ve mentioned that Jung experienced several incidents early in his life that I believe are ‘remains’ but he didn’t recognize then although according to Ellenberger, he did ‘devour’ some of Swedenborg’s writings. The incident that comes to my mind happened when he saw a giant turd fall onto the Church at Basil. (‘Holy Shit’ perhaps was illustrated or being re-presented?) He ‘saw’ a thought in his mind and prevented ‘thinking’ it until he permitted it to occur.   

I have written to Wilson van Dusen about my experiences and he verified that what I’d come to understand was correct. He was surprised that I didn’t know already what I had learned so painfully and in such a confusing material world  experience! I have his letter but it seems to me he didn’t fully relate to the fact that I had discovered privately, from experiences of my own what he seemed to believe everyone already knew. Or should know.

The ‘meaningful coincidences’ that so many individuals experience and the ‘psychosis’ that many experience are the same kind of event. I’d been told by a Jungian therapist that I called one day that ‘thought broadcasting and another symptom, ideas of reference’ and other symptoms are the meaningful coincidences’ that Jung somewhat wrote about. This therapist had experienced those symptoms himself. His name is Dr. William Levy. I asked him why he’d not published what he knew and he told me (1988) that ‘nobody WANTS to know this stuff’.  A thought occurred into my mind that he earns his living from what individuals like me did not ‘want’ to know.

I had formed my own name for what he named ‘ideas of reference’ and other so called symptoms of mental disease, and he told me it was accurate and appropriate: they were ‘second underlying contexts’.

I’d lost volition basically over my body but I ‘saw’ in a new way my own  body.  I believe that now but then I had no words to use.  In this situation it was as though I and everyone in our life at that point were actors in a movie.  I was the only person in the audience however.  I had to discover that fact. Other people told me what my life story contained, they read some content that must be 0, 1 in our bodies, non-verbal communication seemingly, but only in appearances.

The script unfolded in activities we (two groups of challenge level square dancers who were introducing advanced and challenge levels to the extremely reluctant local mainstream clubs)  shared or seemed share, because in my mind my unspoken thoughts were or seemed to be known and responded to. That was confusing for a few years.

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My marital ‘bond’ was in a horrible condition then, but other events that were not seemingly connected to my personal life began to capture and hold my attention. Then in 1984 when the  Los Angeles Olympic  games were being played I had the first mindquake. Under the guise of the advent of the games, I’d begun to hear the advertisements in a new to me way, as though objects that use words were speaking directly to me!

What is a ‘mindquake’?  Memories of an event that happened when I was 13 years old was the first content of the first mindquqke. What followed was masses of memories retrieved that told a story about my marriage. It opened up two fault lines in my history as a woman, but they had nothing to do with me as an individual, it was a psychological interpretation beginning with Eve. The result was like a movie, but it happened in a condition Swedenborg described in Conjugal Love, two individuals functioning as one.

I had recognized this myself;  in very  naïve words I described it and was told I had ‘remarkable insight’  long before I understood this binary unit (1 + 1 = 1) had formed in me, a new mind.

I saw my mind at work, in a way I later read about in a book by Theodore  Reik (Fragment of a Great  Confession in a chapter titled In Small Packages. He is replaying in his mind a bridge game, reconstructing the sequences of the game, using words commonly associated with bridge. He notices his mind seems to be stuck on certain words, and a hidden meaning emerges that relates not to the bridge game but to his relation with his wife. He dismisses those points as ‘magical thinking’! They were actually details about his life being ‘said back’ or’echoed’ to him.

The book is about his secret obsession in his teen  years, with Goethe. When Reik was 18, he’d read everything Goethe had written but he kept that obsession to himself, for no reason he understood. He experienced other ‘remains’ that I can identify when he was about 9 years old. (The Creation of Woman was the result of one such event.) He ‘heard himself blurt out something he’d not thought about and had no intent to say, just the way I experienced in my life a spontaneous eruption of words and actions.

The words and ideas connected to all levels of square dancing are what I experienced in a similar way to the way words became ‘stuck’ in Theodore Reik’s mind.

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Examples of my remains: 

My first memory at age 2 and a half was vivid photograph of what was in front of me, a thought that emerged: “I am in a cold place.”, and an impression of where I was, laying: on a bed with a  new sister;  in a garage that had been converted to a home, in 1934. I found that garage in 1989, a day before it was to be demolished!

A memory of a Sunday school teacher who told her version of the birth of Jesus that produced a thought in my mind and a response to the thought. All aspects of that event re-occurred as a unit, flashing into my mind at times for years, for no reason I could see..

The memory of the plot of a movie serial, The Missing Link that I saw when I was about 8 or 9. It was about a woman scientist leading an exploration to find the missing link between man and ape. Only the two words “missing link” and the memory of the plotoccurred into my mind.

The development of a memory, it evolved gradually throughout my first 25 years, of a thought about Beethoven, Einstein and Mark Twain, that ‘bore first fruit’ in 1988.  A most astonishing event happened over a span of  almost 5 decades!

An example from a book:

I’ve mentioned that Theodore Reik described an event that happened when he was 9 years old, in which he ‘heard himself say’ something he’d not thought about or intended to say that later resulted in his book, The Creation of Woman. It’s about the two versions of the creation of Eve, in Genesis. He is listening to his grandfather and elderly friends discuss and reason in the Jewish form when Reik hears himself suggest  the second version is a reversal, it’s the ‘second birth of Adam’ into the world of men, out of the world of the mother. It’s not about Eve it’s a reversal of gender.

 In the introduction to Douglas Hofstadter’s prize winning book, Godel, Escher and Bach, the author tells about his first memory at age 3, that triggered a life-long endeavor. Many books begin with a similar idea; an incident that happened at a very young age cemented into the authors’ mind and influenced that person in adult life.

These were significant events that happened really only once but afterwards the event flashed rapidly into my mind. Some were complete in every detail, including a thought I’d had in that event. This was a thought that I didn’t tell anyone about and didn’t think about myself until I was more than 50 years old. It was about a secret about the insane basically that I had observed as it was created in my mind in the late 1970s.

There are several ways to describe my ‘re-occurring memories’ but I need to use   my limited knowledge of computers and terms and a few ideas that I’d learned when I took data processing courses in the late 1960’s. That’s when the first generation of computers was just giving way to the second generation.  Programming was somewhat introduced, I learned that addresses and slots had to be named to receive data, much like post office boxes are named and numbered. The memories were simplistic but if I’d not learned at least that much about computers, well I wouldn’t be writing this.

The re-occuring memories were retrieved obviously from a location in a memory that contained them, a slot in which they had been stored away because they had to be retrieved as a packet. The packet was opened; the complete event was then regenerated rapidly in my mind, in a flash as a unit.

They did not stand out as different for almost 6 decades, because they were embedded in ‘thought’ and I was basically thought less until I was in my early 50s. At mid life a great change in my family occurred, but other aspects of our lives began to enfold my new thought filled minds’ content. That was nearly overwhelmingly new and confusing for at least 5 years, between 1984 and 1989.

Emanuel Swedenborg’s writings came to my attention during that time, the first mention that I remember  reading contained the words ‘double thought’. I paused briefly to wonder what he  meant. It was years later that I saw this as a remarkable ‘coincidence’ because I was experiencing the effect that created the sense that turned my thought  and whatever content was selected, highlighted so to speak before I knew computers and software had that capability. My attention was directed, not purposed by my intents.

Wilson van Dusens’ Presence of Other Worlds came to my attention after I’d read Paul Davies book, Other Worlds. The titles of the two books had an unusual connection to my thoughts at that time, but that connection has continued, even now in 2013  (2015 today) through the strange experiences described in certain fictions that were written for teen agers! I had a Twilight based mindquake 4 years after I read those books, it was different.

I’ve had several ‘mindquakes’.  They are batches of memories and ‘new to me’ information that triggered me to think about something implied but not directly stated anywhere. I was told to ‘think about the ‘whole thing’, think about the implications of the ‘whole thing’ in 1989, one day when I tried to rest a few minutes in a toilet cubicle at work. That’s where Martin Luther was when he received his revelation! (Life Against Death, Norman O. Brown, The Excremental Vision)

I don’t have the kind of dreams other people seem to report. “Seeing” ones’ inner content when there’s so much activity, can be distressing and that’s a fact I had to learn, seeing the strange shapes that were produced in my own mind, not ‘things’ but somehow ‘shapes’ that made no sense and I felt a terrible grief for years.  

My mind became connected to other minds in a way that Swedenborg mentioned in his book  Conjugal Love. Which I had not read and didn’t know existed but some psychiatric texts do mention conditions such as ‘folie aux duex’ and other names for basically the same psychological bonds.

John Bradshaw has described this inter-generational family connection in his talks, Family Secrets, but I found it is also in the Bible in Jeremiah and in other places.

The ideas of quantum physics, family chemistries and bonds are very much in the news today, but the surprise is that they are written in the bible too.   The idea of ‘instruction’ and the form in which ‘instruction’ can occur is also in the Bible. Jesus described it in detail.

Today the word ‘coincidences’ or ‘synchronicities’ in my opinion is about how ‘instruction’ occurs and one’s ‘remains’ are used as proof that this is ‘not me thinking’,  it is ‘divine providence’ at work.

 Synchronization between thought, certain thought and what’s happening outside of my body has caused me to develop a new understanding, the old understanding was replaced.

“Behold I make all things new.” is in the Bible.

I noticed my remains throughout the first 4+ decades of my life with the barest degree of attention,  without curiosity and this very slight degree became obvious over a period of decades.  I was in my forties when I began to wonder to myself why those ‘ghost memories trekked along the backroads of my mind’ for no reason I could understand.

 Both of the quotations I began this post with were written by different men who lived in different times.  I did not notice either quotation the first time I read it in their respective books. Only later was I curious enough to pause and wonder what the author meant, when I chanced to re-read the books that contained them

 Noticing something specific in a book I’ve read once, but not noticed at first reading is almost common now. There is a remarkable element of precise timing involved. When I can understand what I didn’t notice in the past, then an interest leads me to re-read a book at a point when I can not only understand it, I can notice the precise timing. I had to discover that;  it was one critically important fact that I had to notice myself. There was no sign anywhere that told me to ‘NOTICE THE TIMING IS PERFECT”. I had to notice that aspect myself.

The timing could not be explained when this happened:

Law and Order 

One evening a few years ago, I went to bed with a book to read during commercials of a program I liked. The book had been in a box of books in my garage but I’d not read it. I noticed it one day and took it into the house, intending to read it sometime.

The book was so interesting I didn’t give much attention to the television show when it ended and a different show began, a show I never watch, the Law and Order series.  I don’t like the way they profile of the ‘perpetrator’ in the style of an almost prophetic insight and certainty.  And the  misuse of psychiatric  ideas and terms in the show is absurd imo. I was absorbed in the book, not listening to the television when suddenly the words being spoken on the television caused me to glance up. I heard:  “Do you recognize anyone?”

 The screen showed a page in a high school year book on which a young girl’s senior picture was prominent, they were talking about her. But that’s not what I saw.  At very first glance I saw a name I thought I recognized below a picture adjoining hers of another senior in the class:  Andrew Samuels.

 It was only a glimpse so I wasn't certain but the book I was reading at that moment was The Plural Psyche by Andrew Samuels.  He's a well-known (but not to me) Jungian author. What a surprise this was when I remembered how long I’d owned the book  but had not read it even after I'd brought it into the house. How odd that on this particular night I decided to read it!  

But was it really Andrew Samuels? Probably not, I decided and gave no more thought to the incident.

However within a few weeks that particular show was in progress several times when I browsed the television!  It just happened to be on when I flipped channels, not once but several times. So I was able to prove to myself that I had not read the name incorrectly. It was Andrew Samuels. 

I’ve not seen it after I captured the scene with my camcorder, although I recently bought the 13th season. Episode 2, Law and Order: Shangrila was about Fiona Reid. Isn't it odd that a search on the name of a fictional character in one episode in a series actually finds that name on the Internet?

 Consider what has happened:  I had just begun to read a book I'd owned for some time, the night of that showing of an episode that was several years old.  It was very odd, even extraordinarily unusual to happen that the show just seemed to be there so many times when I wasn’t looking for it. (The same thing happened when the movie Amadeus which I hated, kept showing up until I re-viewed it, but that’s another long story.)  

Now consider this fact about that incident: I wasn't watching the show.  I was reading my book until the question was asked by a character on the show:  “Do you recognize anyone?”  I looked up and recognized someone; the author of a book I was reading at the moment, who had the same name.

I felt that the question had been asked by someone talking to me, conversationally, borrowing the words and re-using them literally to ask me a question.  It’s an artificially created voice but it talked’ to me!.  I used to feel very strange when I experienced this kind of 'voice', it was a real shock for more than a few years.  The source of the ‘voice’, used what I was hearing to create its own voice, interrupting my reading.

That kind of coincidence is not new to me but it took a long time and many events happened before I thought of them as a voice speaking directly to me, using (or re-using) the content of what I was doing at the moment. It obviously knows me, everything about me. It wants something.

But wait, there’s more:  the first page of The Plural Psyche had interested me especially because the author mentioned that any author writes about the essential events that are happening in the  time they are living, as well as what they are doing themselves, whether they know it or not.

Few artists or authors or those who read their books have that degree of self knowledge.  Theodore Reik wrote Fragment of a Great Confession about Goethe’s love for a   young girl but did not recognize until he was elderly himself that he had woven his own love story into his version of  Goethes’ romance.

 

In fact  in a chapter titled In Small Packages Reik described how his ruminations of a bridge game developed a ‘double bottom’, a ‘secret meaning’ when certain words normally used to talk about bridge games occurred, then lingered in his thought.  He recognized they triggered thoughts about his relationship to his wife and how her frail heart had affected their life. The words that developed a ‘secret meaning’ were in my opinion highlighted by a mechanism of mind that created information relevant and significant to him by reflecting back the selected,  abstracted content  to build a conversation.

This kind of event was not nature at work, it was a function of his mind/brain/body  that used the words, to ‘talk’ to him.  The mechanism created a kind of re-view literally of a circumstance in his life. The word  ‘re-generated’ is a good word to use for how this mechanism functioned. 

The concepts that I had to learn when I left mainstream level square dancing were used to begin a conversation that used the names of square dancing at advanced and challenge levels.  When technology brought computers into the mainstream home  the language forced every one to learn the words attribute, object, and understand them in a different way.

 When this event happened I’d come to understand that myself.  I’d experienced that people actually say more than they realize and at times they say a lot they don’t  remember, perhaps don’t even hear themselves say, in normal conversations. I’d learned that too.

Fragment of A Great Confession was intended to be about a romance between Goethe and a young girl but in his elder years Reik recognized the details of his own relationship to his wife had formed the structure of the book! I’d thought it very odd that Theodore Reik wrote an entire book about another person but had not recognized he was telling his own life story. He was a psychiatrist. Doesn’t a psychiatrist know that as matter of fact?

Reik is a special influence in my life plot, he has written books unlike anything authored by Freud or Jungian influenced authors. By the age of 18, Reik had read everything Goethe had written, but had kept his obsession a secret for reasons he didn’t understand himself. Why would he be ashamed to admit he had an obsession like that? He wondered belatedly in life about that, but he’d also written that he could not learn from his own or others experience.