Mr. Aziz wrote:
What I was 'doing' then was sharing the experiences created by two local square dance enthusiasts, who were struggling to literally change something: they wanted mainstream dancers to learn higher level, advanced and challenge levels of square dancing. At those levels all the rules area changed, there are no gender roles or positions, every dancer has to learn to dance the other genders' positions in the set!
There are also certain square dance movements at challenge level that add phantom dancers to the 8 real people. That concept call forced me to learn to dance with people who couldn't be seen but who had to be 'tracked' as 'they' moved. To do that required knowing how to use my mind in a way I'd never done before, and that's where 'mixed signals', being in a 'double bind' every day, 360 day, 24 hours, 7 days began to affect me and cause new meanings and contexts to be generated in my mind.
One night one of the square dance callers chanted the name of a familiar movement: "cast a shadow". After I heard his voice, I noticed a thought in my mind, a very quiet thought voice, distinct because it was different repeat the words this caller had chanted: "cast a shadow". After that incident, this was repeated every time this caller, and no other caller chanted those words! I noticed the quiet thought voice that repeated the words: cast a shadow. The only association I knew then was a comic book hero, a radio show character that began with a creepy voice saying: "Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of man? The Shadow knows! The Shadow has the power to blind men's minds so they cannot see him." I had no knowledge of C. G. Jung and his concept of the shadow. The way I understand the 'shadow' is that ''it" has the power to blind men's minds, but "it" uses that power to open minds also. William Blake in my opinion uses the word 'spectre' where I would use the idea of the 'shadow'.
It can be trivial events that are used by the 'shadow' to open the mind, I noticed that other callers who chanted the words 'cast a shadow' did not generate the quiet thought that repeated the words.
That fact seemed very strange to me when I noticed it. How could one callers' voice produce that 'effect' but no other caller did?
'The two enthusiastic men were somewhat at war in that they disagreed in some ways, one was quite rigid in his standards the other was 'soft and flexible'. Those who were dancing with both men's clubs felt this war, but the mainstream dancers rejected both men basically for several years.
That condition changed gradually but eventually it seemed the planet was talking to me, through whatever was in front of me, now or had been at some time in the past.
A feeling of being watched emerged but I don't know how to explain that, except that self observation as a phase, seems to have happened on a continuum with points where changes of inner projections occurred. From seeing 'inner content' that phase progressed slowly to seeing the same framework overlay what was outside my body, but it was the same mechanism at work. I've known a few individuals long enough to have seen these points of change occur in their mind, and I'd known a few people who were paranoid. So it seemed to me the same pattern was like a pair of glasses between me and whatever was outside my body.
I didn't have dreams, or visions but I've recognized a certain kind of 'thought' that didn't seem to be words yet and other new to me, inner content that began to get my attention. I believed I'd had a head injury when these changes seemed to explain differences in my 'head'.
A simple example, one of the first that happened where the timing was so obvious happened when I noticed a flaw on a picture I'd just had developed. It was a model of the pi symbol that is located where I worked then. Boeing used it as their Pride In Excellence (PIE) awards program logo. It, the 'flaw', looked like a section of colored streaks that was twisted at the center which was white. I glanced at it for some minutes, then picked up a book I had been reading, Morris Berman's Reenchantment of the World and began reading where I'd left off, on page 31. When I read the next page it described the results of an experiment Isaac Newton had done to prove whether light is simple or complex. There was a diagram of the experiment also. The result was a 'white at the center' image that looked very close to the 'flaw' in the picture that I'd just looked at. I wondered how it could happen that the flaw on my picture looked like the result of an experiment Isaac Newton had done in a book I just happened to be reading.